A woman goes to the hospital to receive an ultra-sound after taking a pregnancy test a few weeks before. The doctor comes out and says "Congratulations Susanne would you like to know the results? Susanne says "No thank you." Then, the doctor says "Good, because its actually a retarded baby that we found."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you keep children off your front lawn? Molest them.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the woman leave the kitchen. Its was her funeral

thumb_up thumb_down -26

what happened when a duck flew over the hunter during duck hunting season? the hunter shot at the bird, but fortunately, the hunter was nit very good so the duck flew back to his wife and children by the pond.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Who is the most famous black person? Michael Jackson, except he's not black.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Roses are gold Violets are blue I am color blind

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why didn't the boy cross the street? He didn't have legs

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A ginger kid, a blonde kid and a brunette jump off a 50 foot building... All of them die apart from all of them because luckily there was a swimming pool at the bottom

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Did you hear about the guy in town living in a tyre, he got a puncture now hes living in a flat.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do dogs mark their territory? With legal documents.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's worse than people reposting the same joke all the time? The holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what do you call a rat with wings? an evolutionary masterpiece

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Actually, Ylvis had a dog named Say. When he peed in the studio one evening, Ylvis said, "What the fuck, Say?"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a fish without an eye? A fsh

thumb_up thumb_down +3

how do you drown a blonde? strategically place a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool (or just a regular sticker because, quite honestly, they won't be able to tell the difference as the water fills their lungs)

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What’s the difference between a frog and a duck? One is a frog and one is a duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How many dead jews can you fit in a hole? Ask hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Helena: Can u get me a pencil? Me: Sure. Me: Mr. Brandmeyer can u give me a pencil? Mr. Brandmeyer: Why? Me: I don't know. That's what Helena said.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

1: I heard a great knock knock joke, but you have to start it. 2: Okay, knock knock! 1: Who's there? 2: ???

thumb_up thumb_down -28

who needs to get a different hairstyle to his boyo? josh roberts

thumb_up thumb_down -6

OSS ARE RED VIOLENTS IS BLUE U BELONG THE ZOO I WILL BE THERE TO BUT LAUGHIN AT U

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Sidney Crosby comes face-to-face with Alex Ovechkin. The Penguins were playing the Capitals.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Q. How many babies does it take to paint a room? A. Depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops