How do you sink a Polish submarine? Hit it with a torpedo.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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1.....2.....3.....boom you died

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Whats the defination of cruelty

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Why did the man try to lick his elbow? Because he read a chain email saying no one could lick their elbow and he wanted to see if it was true. You will probably try to do it now too.

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Q. How do you kill 5000 flies? A. Slap a afraican in the face.

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers

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How do you confuse a blonde? Beat her with a spatula while in a mankini with a dildo up your ass!

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How did 3 fat women fit under 1 small umbrella and not get wet? It wasn't raining!

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How do you confuse a blonde? Speak to her in a nonsensical language of gibberish you have devised without her being able to understand or translate.

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What did the alien say to the parachute? We're connected

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? -Nothing, he doesn't know sign language.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Certainly not to have its motives questioned!

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Oh my God, my friend just got hit by a truck. Lets go get ice cream

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Yo mama so ugly she's ridiculed daily and has frequent suicidal thoughts.

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Q: Whats a spanish teacher who cant speak spanish A: duhh. it called an english teacher

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Thumbs up if u dont have aids:)

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What's worse then AIDS? Chad Wolbert

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Why did the cancerous elephant cross the road?

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how does your hair keep changing lengths? due to my countless hours of grueling sessions in chemotherapy due to what was recently found as a terminal cancer, i wear wigs

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If you took all the veins in your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Robert. Robert who? Robert Anderson.

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What do you call a cereal killing homeless man? Roofless

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what did the Alaskan homeless man get for Christmas? Death

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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