what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

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A rabbi and priest both go into a bar... and they each had a responsible number of drinks before walking home.

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How do you call blond girl with no arms and no legs ? A victim of a tragic car accident.

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What's sad about a dog and it's owner dying in a car accident? They were on their way to the vet.

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A priest a rabbi and a minister are all standing at the gates of heaven. Us mortal beings can only conjecture what might've have taken place.

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What did the DJ play at the disco? What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? What's that coming over the hill? Confused, mind bruised, it seeps out It seeps out, it seeps out Face down, home town looks so grey Looks so grey, looks so grey Convexed you bend, twist and shout Twist and shout, twist and shout Stand up brush off get moving Get moving, get moving What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? (x4) Face down, home town, face down, home town Face down, home town, it looks so grey (x4) What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? (x4) More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/monster_lyrics_automatic_the.html All about Automatic The: http://www.musictory.com/music/Automatic+The

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A Muslim boards a plane and he sits done quietly and politely just like everyone else, the plan lands safely at its destination.

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what did the paraplegic get for his birthday? a bike...

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Why did the helicopter crash? Because the driver was fat.

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What do you call a room with a black person, a mexican, a jew, and a homosexual A diverse area

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- Knock Knock - who's there? - Gestapo! open the door!

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What worse than a hurt puppy? Two hurt puppies.

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A knock knock B who's there A nobody

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- Knock knock - Who's there - James - James who ? - James Redwood.

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Whats the quickest way to get famous? kill the president

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have you seen stevie wonder's harmonica? neither has he.

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What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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How many feet are in a yard? It depends how many people are in the yard.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died.

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What do you get when you see a black man writing? A man devoted to getting a education.

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

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Q: What do you call a fish with no eye? A: Fssshh

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I once saw a picture of a man who was bloodily murdered with his testicles replacing his eyes. then i had a nightmare, that was completely unrelated

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Roses are red, Violets are too. You're bleeding out, I stabbed you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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