What did one chimney say to the other chimney. Nothing, chimneys dont talk.

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How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Two.

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Nohypocondrism: When you feel fine and everyone keeps telling you you are a sick bastard. Charisma: Hey, that guy that changed my life killed the neighbor, cool rite? I mean that damn neighbor did say nothing to me when I said hi. Solitude: When the room is so overcrowded that you feel small and alone. I think that people that are jack of all trades and master of none are stupid... I AM JACK OF NO TRADES AND MASTER OF ALL! I am nothing, because nothing lives on forever, nothing is unbreakable, nothing is really awesome on a terrible day... I am also Nobody, because Nobody has more money than me.. FUUUUUUUU..

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What do you call 1 black guy and 9 other white guys? Patrick Mills

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Why won't Santa be delivering presents this year? Because he can't be bothered.

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Guy 1 : what you watching? Guy 2 : a documentary on birds Guy 1 : can i watch it with you? Guy 2 : yeah sure go for it.....

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why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it tried but was hit by a truck at the halfway point.

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What do Laura Bush and 9/11 have in common? George Bush did them.

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Why did the cookie go to the doctor, beause he was feeling really crumby...becuase he has testicular cancer

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Why do catholic priests enjoy the company of boys? Because they must remain celibate and cannot have children of their own.

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Who is big and stupid My brother

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Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender? A: None. It is a sick and depraved act that is probably illegal anyway.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It's coop was faulty and thus it escaped.

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What happened to George's pet rock? It ran away.

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what do you call an exited rectangle? an Erectangle

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What did the idiot call his pet zebra? Charlie. The fact that the man is an idiot is irrelevant.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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What do you call it when a Priest, a Rabbi, and a Vicar meet for a drink at the bar? A social gathering.

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What did little Susie give to young Billy on Christmas? Genital Herpes.

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Me: Sometimes I like to talk to myself. Me: So do I.

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Two men walk into a bar. And they enjoy a good night of drinking beer and playing pinball.

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Q: What do you call a person up to their elbows in a horse's ass? A: An Amish auto mechanic. (this gem brought to you by Designated Dale)

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roses are red you are dumb no one will care when you die

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was in the designated crosswalk area and there was no oncoming traffic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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