What happened when the mailman shot the plumber? The plumber died.

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Why was John the octopus depressed? Because his real name was Steve, and he couldn't communicate this to anyone since he lacked the higher brain functions and vocal chords required to do so.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm Scizophrenic And so am I.

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why did the car crash? Because the driver was just a box of raisen Brand

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What did the Chinese guy say to the black guy? Nothing, the black guy dosen't speak chinese.

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What's green, fuzzy, and can kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

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what is black and white and red all over? a group of people of mixed races playing paintball.

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What did hitler said to the chinese? Thank you for continuing my legacy.

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A chemist and his buddy walk into a bar. The chemist, trying to sound smart, says, "I would like a glass of H20." The buddy, being a normal person who actually cares if he looks like an idiot, asks for plain water.

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: why the long face Horse: I'm dying of an incurable cancer...

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What do you get when you cross Bambi and a ghost? Bamboo

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What's more likely to happen in 2011 than the rapture? Finding my real parents.

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A lion walks in to a bar, and murders everyone inside. This is why animals are not aloud in bars.

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Ed has spent all his days on the farm. It was the farm of his father and grandfather before him; long have they prospered from the fruits of this land. He has a wife and 3 beautiful children, all of whom live happily on the farm. Ed still manages to keep an active social life, and has lots of interesting friends. His best friend is Moe. As a young man, Ed had spent a few years living in the city for his studies. Moe lives in the city, and he knows Ed from College. One day, Moe came out to the farm to have lunch with his old friend. After lunch, he and Ed took a walk around the farm. They passed by the horses, the chickens, the pigs and finally they came to the cows. Ed looked at Moe, and he saw that he was focused intently on a single cow. "What's the matter, Moe?" he asked. "That," Moe said, "is one skinny cow."

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has Parkinson's Disease which causes his hands to shake uncontrollably thus making drawing anything relatively difficult and a perfect circle impossible.

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What do you say if you see a monkey driving a car? Nothing , you run away because primates are incapable to have motor skill and will probably crash within the next 50 feet

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Why couldn't sally go on the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock knock Who's there Sally

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Why did the man punch his wife? Because he was angry

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Whats long, black, and fat? The line at KFC

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How do you piss off a teacher? Accuse them of being a pedophile

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Friend: Do you want to go to the bar or see a movie first? Me: Yes.

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What came first? The chicken or the egg? The egg, because breakfast comes before dinner.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A:I don't know i was asking you P.S. leave your answer in the comments below :D

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not reply as it is a horse and horses cannot speak. The bartender realises his stupid mistake and calls the farm the horse came from. The horse is taken back to the farm and fed some hay. The bartender carries on living his life and then dies of natural causes at a very old age.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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