How do you burn Lebron James's house? With fire.

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This isn't funny.

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Your tell your girlfriend to make you a sandwich, she actually makes one for you.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. You wife was killed in an accident.

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What's worse than being eaten by a giant bear? Hitler.

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How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen? Five.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she is blind, deaf, and dead.

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How do you starve a Somalian? Too late.

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Yeah, Eliza, its me, its so strange, you are the only one I remember from highschool, I was worried you had forgotten about me, anyway, yeah type as if you where speaking to him, and dont worry, I know I could not keep a secret back then, and I told Nero, so and he promised me he would kindly break my fingers if I told anyone, besides I dont do that anymore trust me.

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What has wings and can't fly? What has legs and can't move? What has mouth and can't eat? A dead bird on the road

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Why didn't Billy have legs? Because he's a fish.

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What did I say to my mum this morning? Good morning.

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What do you get when you don't wear protection? A baby.

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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you are driving down the highway, if two birds make a bee then how many pies can fly at once? None because I can't read

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ok so ive been pondering for a while now for a joke to submit and here is what ive got, tell me what you think: quif stain

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What did the jacket say to the girl? Zip me up wait why am I talking

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No? Neither has Stevie Wonder

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On a deserted island in the middle of nowhere three women have just been in a horrible boat wreck. They are okay and alive. One is a lovely smart brunette. An appealing ginger. And a blond.. named Becky. They take shelter when one of them notices a shimmer in the sand. They pick it up to discover that it was a golden lamp. They rub it and a blue cloud of smoke consumes them. Then a magnificent Guinnie appears and says "You have awoken me from my 10,000 year encasement inside that lamp! I shall grant you 3 wishes to show you my sincere gratitude." The brunette wishes for a plane so she can fly home. The ginger wishes for a boat to sail back home. The blonde was lonely so she wished that the brunette and the ginger were back with her.

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Why was the little girl sad? An elephant shat on her face

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Kid: mom what happens when grandpa farts? Mom: well son... Everyone leaves the room

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a man walks into a bar....... thats it.

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Why can't you fly? Because Chuck Norris said so.

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How do you make the general public confused? ...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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