poop

thumb_up thumb_down -35

who's getting there balls chopped off by lilly? Nemo

thumb_up thumb_down -14

If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Your mom is so fat that it's becoming a serious health concern...

thumb_up thumb_down +52

what is the differance between a toyata and a van full of dead babies I dont own a toyata

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A: Knock Knock! B: Come in!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How do you tell identical twins apart? You can't. They look identical.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the best thing about having sex with twenty one year olds? There's twenty of them.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happens when you cut down a tree? It falls down.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you determine the population of mexico? Send out a census every 4 years.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

So after 2 years of dating, the man thought the woman actually loved him. So to find out they took a ski trip and during their day they were on the chairlift and the man asked the woman "Do you love me?" The woman replied "No...I'm just in it for the sex, but that's a nice ski mask you have on"

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Q) what do girls like long , soft (can go hard) and has white stuff come out A) Twinkies but if left out of its plastic wrapping for a long period of time it will go hard

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did Jimmy go to a Barbershop for the first time? He needed a haircut, and the salon next to his house was closed because of financial problems

thumb_up thumb_down -12

WHY CANT THE ENGLISH MAN FIND HIS.....PANTS? BECAUSE HE NEEDED TO LOOK HARDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! LOOK HARDER ENGLISHMAN!!!!!!!!LOOK HARDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yell this joke out loud and u will realize that its really funny!!! ^-^

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Dear Jim, I have a problem with my Hymen... "Jim'll fix it for you..."

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the plane crash? Cause the pilot was a loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you kill a circus? Assuming this is metaphorical usage of the word 'kill', you would withdraw funds, involve the SPCA and offer all the major performers better contracts elsewhere.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a dog that can't pass an Algebra test? A dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? I'm a talking banana; what more do you want from me?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why does the Pentagon have twice as many toilets built as is legally obliged? Racial segregation

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did Batman tell Robin when they got to Gotham City? -Robin, we got to Gotham City.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I told him to. I'm very influential.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops