What's red and green and goes 500 mph? A frog in a blender.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of a tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of a tree? It was cruelly stapled to the first one.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme But this one doesnt

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How do you prevent a baby from crawling all over the place? You nail his hands to the floor

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Why did Silly Billy throw a clock out the window? Because he was stupid.

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well crap whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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haiku for you ladies and gents My mother once said, "Slow and steady wins the race" She died in a fire.

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A poor boy receives his first wrapped present in his entire life. Why did he hate it so much? Because it was a copy of "Mien Kampf" Is he Jewish? No, he actually does know what "Mien Kampf" is because he is poor and cannot read.

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Why was the trash man feeling sad about his life? Because he had a mild case of depression to which his doctor recommended taking antidepressant pills.

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I have never liked jokes. They promote laughter, which is the music of Satan strangling hairy children and wildebeast. I'd like to thank anti-joke.com for their work in the struggle against hilarity.

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What is worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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What would a prostitute do if she was given a million dollars? She would probably diversify her portfolio. First, she would pay her rent. She would buy some groceries and a present for her mother. She would then invest it in stocks and low-yield bonds. She would they buy a vehicle. This win might not affect her continuance in her job.

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roses are grey violets are grey im a dog

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What did the Albino get for Christmas? Hair dye.

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A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender asks: "why the long face?" The horse didn't respond, because it's a horse.

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If at first you don't succeed, there's a very substantial probability that you failed.

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What did the pornstar say to the priest? i DO porn

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What's black, white, and red all over? Road Kill Penguins.

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Half empty = half full Therefore Half (empty) = half (full) empty= full Half empty

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I like my women like I like my coffee Without a penis

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You wanna hear what's totally out of this world? The moon

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Knock, Knock. Who's there Hey, it's Dave. Oh well come on in.

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why do i love my iphone because its a very versatile electronic device with many uses and i can get the anti-joke app

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? A present.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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