Guy walks into a bar and half his head is an orange. Barman: What can i get.. holy shit half your head is an orange!! How did that happen?? Guy: Magic Lamp, rubbed it, three wishes etc etc. Barman: What in the bejesus were your three wishes, half your head is an orange. Guy: First Wish – I wished for every woman in the world to love me. Barman: Right, that is ok. What was your second wish? Guy: Second Wish – I wished that I was a billionaire. Barman: What in the hell was your third wish half your head is a frickin orange? Guy: It was a silly wish. I dot wanna say: Barman: Go on tell me, I’ll give you a drink. Guy: OK well for my third wish I wished that half my head was an orange.

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Why did the plane crash? Because he pilot was a loaf of bread

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Why did the business man move to New York? Because he saw a potential business opportunity that could benefit him and his loving family.

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Q: What do starving children in Africa eat? A: Nothing

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You know what I hate long anti-jokes that take up too much space.

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What is the difference between a duck? One leg is both the same.

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Q. want to hear a really funny joke? A. Fred Figglie-horn

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If Timmy has 2 apples and Sarah has 7 apples, what is the square root of the distance of Mars and Jupiter divided by the speed of light if X equals the value of negative infinity given the equation X(2) - E=MC/7?

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How many dinosaurs does it take to fill a pool? I don't know and no one will know as they are extinct organisms

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Why don't you make like a tree, and get out of here.

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Why was the boy put on his socks? So he wouldn't get blisters.

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How do you keep a puppy warm? You throw it in the fire...

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Want to hear an orphan joke? Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents

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Why was the guy coverd in garbage. I don't know but their are a lot of homeless people that can't afford the good stuff.

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What did the robot do when a person was shot? Nothing, it wasn't programmed for that situation.

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option 1, minecraft VS option 2, friends

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The first line is spelled wrong, Ha, I tricked you

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What does a Barbie Doll and Britney Spears have in common? They're both 100 percent plastic.

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What's brown and sticky? Poo.

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Do you know what color comes after 9?

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Why did the chicken cross the traffic filled road? To get to your house. Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken delivery.

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What did the doctor say to his patient with cancer? "You have cancer...".

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Q. What is the best way to suicide? A. Kill yourself.

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Why couldn't Billy write his own name... ...because he was wearing purple lemonade???

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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