What did the contestant say to the game show host? If I don't win I will arrange to kill your family.

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What has legs but may never walk? A Vietam Vet

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Why didn't the boy cross the street? He didn't have legs

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What do you call an horse? A horse, because horse does not start with a vowel and that would be grammatically incorrect.

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Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

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Q: If two lesbians are in a relationship, who makes the sandwiches? A: They both do.

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Bob:Know who's really stupid? Rick:Who? Bob:Your mum.

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Why did the 100 year old man die? He was really old and his heart stopped beating after his BLT.

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Kid- "Where do babies come from?" Mom- *Commits Suicide*

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What does Michael have in common with NASA? Not a lot.

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What's worse than seeing Levi naked? Cancer.

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When life gives you melons, youre probably dyslexic.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To be eaten.

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Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -Why? I don't know,I'm asking you the question.

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Jewwy Jewstein

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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What is worse than a nuke exploding? Going to the hospital and finding out you have cancer and aids.

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Man: Did It Hurt Woman: Did what hurt? Man: When your legs were crushed after being run over by that semi

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Christopher Reeve walks into a bar.

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whos gay and sits next to me? Griffen in my architecture class

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What's the difference between Jews and boy scouts? Boy scouts come back from their camps

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So there's this girl who really wanted red socks. She goes to the store, socks are $2. Well, that sucks, she thinks. I only have $1. So she goes home and asks her mom for a buck. Sure, the mom replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my vacuum cleaner. So the girl fixes the vacuum cleaner, mom giver her the buck. The girl goes to the store, but wait. Socks are $3 now. Girl goes home, asks her dad for a buck. Sure, the dad replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my car. Girl fixes car, dad gives het a buck. Girls goes to store.Well damn, the socks are $4 now. She goes home and asks her brother for a buck. Sure, her brother replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my computer. Girl fixes computer, brother giver her a buck. Girl goes to store and FINALLY buys the socks. She comes home. Mother dead. Vacuum cleaner exploded. For 1 month the girl mourns her mom. Finally she can wear her socks. Ah crap, car accident. After 1 month mourning her dad she can finally wear the socks. Well, turns out she can't. Brother dead cause of exploded computer. After yet another month of mourning, she can FINALLY wear her red socks. So she does. Suddenly the doorbell rings. The girl opens the door and there's a polar bear standing in front of her. What did the polar bear say? WELL NOTHING, BECAUSE POLAR BEARS CANNOT TALK!!!

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Why did the black guy lose the race? He toke an arrow to the knee

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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