What did the doctor say to his patient? You have cancer

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Why did Sally Fall Off The Swing? She had no arms Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally

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It was Valentines Day today, I thought I should get her something... I brought flowers to her grave.

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a blonde, brunette and a red head are all goin to jump off a bridge and turn into something. the brunette jumps and says fish, and she turns into a fish. the red head says eagle and becomes an eagle. the blonde gets a running start, but then trips on the way off and she says shit and turns into a piece of shit.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I picked them in the meadow this morning

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I feel like am motherf***ing stuck in this duck and it makes me wana quack like what the f**k is THAT!

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1500 Jews were ordered to walk a straight path whilst in the midst of a blizzard. How close did they ever get to the end? What end? They marched until every last bit of their rotten Jew flesh was driven from their weak bodies. --Amon Goeth

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Knock Knock. Who the hells there? Nevermind.

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Hey, have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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A vulture gets on a transatlantic flight with a dead animal in each claw. The flight attendant stops him, and says "I'm sorry, sir, only one piece of carrion per passenger allowed"

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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snowglobe

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What kind of cheese is not you cheese? Not your cheese.

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How do you get into USA from mexico? Climb a fence

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What did the oboe say to the trombone? SQUEEEEEEK

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Whats better than having 5 dollars? Having 5 dollars and a pizza

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What do you call a barn full of black people? antique farm equipment.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas?? - Cancer

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Knock knock. Who's there? Come in.

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Hey, you have small hands.

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Do you know what's hilarious? Not rape.

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Q) What's worse than getting dumped by text? A) Getting hit by a fridge.

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How do you kill a circus? Assuming this is metaphorical usage of the word 'kill', you would withdraw funds, involve the SPCA and offer all the major performers better contracts elsewhere.

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The boy said to the priest, may God be with you. The priest responded with, "And also IN you".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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