How many dogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Dogs don't have thumbs.

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A man walks in a bar he talks to the bartender aand he tells him a joke about him and hs friends. how do you find out his name? You killl the bartenders friends and family untill he talks.

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Why did the girl fall of her chair? The chair can only hold so much weight.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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I see you driving 'Round town with the girl I love And I'm like, Haiku!

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Penis chickens

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How is butter and your mom similar? They both consist of much fat.

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Your mammas so fat, she weighs significantly more than the average person.

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how many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? 2 one to hold the latter and one to put it in

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why does andy speak when not spoken too because he wants a smack

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A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are chatting outside a casino. The brunette directs a joke towards the blonde. "What's the difference between cotton candy and pork chops?" The blonde has heard the joke prior to this encounter and correctly completes it with sign language because she is deaf.

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You attend a school atop a hill in the middle of the town. A river flows east of the hill, under the bridge built for the highway that runs two miles behind the school. You mother leaves for work at 6:00 a.m., and your brother leaves at 9:00 a.m. Schools starts at 7:30 a.m., and you have to pick up a sandwich on the way, for lunch. Also, you forgot to do an assignment that's due today, and it'll take you at least thirty minutes to complete it. How do you get to school on time? You walk.

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Q. What did the man say when he beat his video game? A. "I beat my video game." Q. What did the man say after his favorite sports team missed the playoffs? A. "My favorite sports team missed the playoffs." Q. What did the man say when a murderer was in his house? A. Nothing. He was dead.

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Q: "What did the blueberry say to the cheesecake?" A: "I'm not your friend anymore!"

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What is the difference between England and yogurt? One is a Western-European country and the other is a dairy product.

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A muslim and a jew meet each other in a dark ally...... they give each other strange looks because they are both in a dark ally.

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Whats the difference between a raisin and a old lady? One is alive, i think.

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Q. why did the chicken cross the road A. damn it this joke is a million years old shut up

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What do you call an Interlochen Arts Academy Student with no talent? A comparative artist

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I've got a great new 'Knock Knock Jock

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why did the mans alarm clock go off at six am? he has a high paid job he doesnt want to let down.

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That is so sweet of you, for a moment I thought I had said something that might have insulted you, but then again, considering the length of the message I see why it took so long.

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How do you get a one-armed Polak out of a tree? Get him a ladder and help him down.

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where did sally go after the bombing? everywhere.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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