I went up to my friend and she said to me, "Foop." I calmly went to the nearest teacher and told her that Susie is having a mental breakdown again

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah Witness

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I ounce had a parrot it talked buy never said im hungry so it died

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Jake pulled out a gun and held it to his head, planning to fool his friends because he knew the gun was empty. Then his friend thought he was helping out his suicidal friend by stabbing him.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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What part of the cape were you on? Cod.

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What notes does the tightrope-musician have to worry about? They probably have to concentrate generally harder than the average musician in order to produce any correct, good quality notes.

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How many finger does a normal person have? 8...and 2 thumbs!!

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Jack Oliver has a Bowl.

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A kid comes across an injured duck near a lake. Nevermind he doesn't see it he's really high.

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Did you see that picture of Helen Keller's dad? Yes. She didn't.

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Dislike this joke for a cookie However if you like this joke you dont get a cookie

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your a vagina says you, your a booby

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot.

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Person 1: What do you get when you cross a cow and your mom? Person 2: What? Person 1: A cow that looks like your mom

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YO mama so stupid, when she got hit by a bus she said WHO THREW THAF ROCK AT ME.

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Men's Sports

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Why did the child say he had been a ubused. Answer: because he had been.

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If youre African, why are you white?

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What happens if you don't stop, drop, and roll? Astigmatism.

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Q: What do you call a colour blind person that smells like green paint? A: A painter

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What's the difference between a gluten free cereal and a regular cereal? One has gluten, and one has no gluten.

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What's worse than find ten babies in a trash can? Find a baby in ten trash cans.

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Q: What did the serial rapist say to his best friend? A: You're a good friend

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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