hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q: Why did the clown fall off the swing? A:He was shot in the face

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it got hit by a truck

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Yo mama so fat, that she feels uncomfortable in a bathing suit.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I hate chocolate. I hate it so much. It sickens me. The only thing I hate more than chocolate is people that like chocolate. I hate them even more. Do you know what happened to the last person I met that liked chocolate? NOTHING

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How many dead babies can you fit in a telephone booth? Mmm, strange question for my HSC maths exam...

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you say to two cows? Hey cows.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q: How do you stop a skunk from smelling? A: Lethally inject it.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Text this number just cuz 16305208722

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why do turtles walk slow? They are physically incapable of walking fast.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the Rabbi get for Christmas? Nothing because as you know Rabbi's are members of the Jewish community and therefore don't celebrate Christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why couldnt Hellen Keller drive? Because vehicles werent invented yet.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a boy with no arms or legs and an eyepatch? names...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A man and his wife go out to dinner, after dinner they return home safely and the man kisses his wife good night. He then leaves his house, and goes to a bar with another women. He is a polygamast and it is socially acceptable in his village.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A moose walks into a store, walking up to an employee he says "Where are the potatoes?" The employee replies "Isle 5." The moose thanks the employee and heads off to find Isle 5. Upon reaching isle 5- he finds no potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? A blender. How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

The class valedictorian is about to give his speech to the class. He has 6 fingers total, he is missing an ear, his left nostril is burned shut, and he must walk on crutches because of the severe injury to his left knee. How does the extremely cruel Principal of the school introduce him? "Please welcome Gregory Barnes, a brave soul that conquered a battle against death itself an won".

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Do you know why i dont write poems Because i thought that violets were violets OTARTS...WAS...HERE

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was the woman worried? She was coughing up blood

thumb_up thumb_down -6

i heard something so funny it made me crap my pants you were a mistake

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Its linked with the process of extracting uranium isotopes, but lets change the subject, with that said, I hope you can help me with some management advice such as the one you gave me, I will of course pay you.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

So you're walking through the desert and the wheels fall off your canoe, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house? 13 because baseballs can't have babies

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Help iv fallen and i can get up -blarg

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops