I hate it when I get an erection and it pushes Pluto out of orbit.

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There are two kinds of people in this world: those that finish their sentences

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What do you get when you stab a man in the leg with a knife? A court summons because you have committed a horrible crime

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I have sexdaily. Sorry I mean dyslexia.

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Why are apples cheaper than lemons? Because you have to pay less money then lemons to buy them

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What crawls on the ground and shoots arrows? Legless Legolas.

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how do you get an old man to fall? tip over his wheelchair

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Alternate ending for children: Despite the massive trauma that the spider suffered from his fall and the sheer volume of rain in the confined space of a pipe, it made a miraculous recover due to the sun coming out. It was however, forever doomed to repeat this cycle of undeath for ever more. [L]

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Q: How do you tell a Jewish person that you love them? A: You tell them "I love you".

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how many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? 2 one to hold the latter and one to put it in

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Whats Brown And Sticky?! My Shit!

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Why did the girl blush when she opened the fridge? Because she saw the salad dressing

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What did the man screem before he crashed his car? i dont know, he died.

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69...you know how awkward this is now...

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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All these jokes are so much funnier when I read them during class, laughing my ass off and everybody's looking at me like I'm retarded

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lil billy wuz killed cuz of hiz relijuz beliefz

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Did you hear about the blond that jumped off a bridge? She died.

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Me: Ask my if I'm a secret agent. You: Are you a secret agent? Me: I cannot disclose that information.

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A priest, a midget, and the toothfairy walk into a bar. Barack Obama.

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A gay man watches football.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A Pilot.

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You know what's funny? Rape

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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