Q: what did the deaf boy get for christmas? A: an ipod shuffle

Who gets more action than my best friend Reese? My raped cousin....

What do you call a cow who can't produce milk? Utter failure.

Why'd Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's There Not Sally Why was the boy sad? Because he dropped his ice cream cone Why'd he drop his ice cream cone? Because he got ran over by a bus Why'd he get run over by a bus? BECAUSE SALLY WAS DRIVING

what's the difference between two pieces of bacon and a blond girl? The blond girl is a human and it's against the law to eat her.

"Doctor," I said while poking my head, "My head hurts!" I poked my knee. "My knee hurts, too!" Then I tried touching my arm. "OW! So does my arm!" I even tried poking my teeth. "OUCH! Even my teeth hurt! What will I do Doctor?" "That's easy," said the Doctor, "I'll fix your finger right away."

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

What happened to thepeanut who went to NYC? He was assulted

What's not red? No tomatoes.

Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.

You know what really pisses me off? When I drink too much coffee.

What's the object with the most points according to science and math? A sphere.

Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please Bitch Please

Why couldn't Jimmy wash his hair? He has leukemia and therefore no longer has hair.

What's normally shaped like a rectangle, and is so thin, it gives people cuts? Paper.

What did the orphan say to his parents? nothing

What did the white man say to the black man at midnight? It's really dark out.

Q: What is the proper name for a female dog? A: Well there could be several names it could be a name on the collar in which case please look for the number so it can be returned to its owner. Another possibility is that it is a stray which you should either run for it could have a disease and you should just forget about the name then or take it in as your own and name it.

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms

A whore walks in to a bar. She soon finds her John and they leave to his hotel room.

Why did John kill Maris? Because Maris killed his family.

A mass murderer ran into a bar full of people. He first shot a man. What did the man say when the murderer shot him? Nothing, he was hit in the head and instantly died before he could say anything.

Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? Because the weather report said there was a 90% chance of rain, and he didn't want to get his posh new coat wet on the way to the studio

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...