You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't rob a bank! That's a felony. ;)

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What do you call it when Justin Beiber has sex with a woman? Intercourse.

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A black man checks his watch. He sees that its 3:50, and calmly carries on with his day.

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A three-legged prostitute, a coal miner, and R. Kelly walk into an all-midget rendition of Stravinsky's Rite of Spring. The miner has a heart attack and dies. The concubine and the vocalist do nothing to help.

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why was the blonde confused? because she was born with a low IQ making her mentally retarded.

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"Knock Knock" "You know the doorbell is working?" "Oh, well, you know I'm here now. May I come in?" "Yes, have a cup of tea"

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Why did the black guy have a bunch of marihuana? He was the owner of a shop that sold it for medical purposes.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am a dog, Meow.

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Why was the comedian so funny? Because that's his job, and if he wasn't funny he would have to become a hobo.

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What would happen if you threw 50 plates off of your roof? Nothing. No one in their right mind would do that. Besides, who owns 50 plates?

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Justin Bieber saying "shawty"

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wanna hear a joke?... Womens rights

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A king's son's birthday was coming up and the king asked,"Son i'm the king. You can have anything you want." And the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." For his birthday he got a rollar coster, a pizzaria, a new car, and of corse, some purple ping pong balls. The next year the king asked,"Son, i'm the king, you can have anything you want." and the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." And for his birthday he got a manchin, an iphone, a water park, and of corse some purple ping pong balls. One day, the prince was driving in his car and was in a terrible car accadent. On his death bed, his father asked him one final question,"Son, why did you want all of those purple ping pong balls?" And the son answered,"Well, i wanted all of them because-" and then he died.

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What do get when you mix cancer and a bike? Lance Armstrong

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The grass is always greener on the other side.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, you are my slave, get back to work!

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Roses are red Violets are red I'm bleeding quite profusely and should probably go to the hospital.

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Why did the black man cross the road? He was going to meet up with his friend who happened to be Irish.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? It's hard to say, as this number depends on a large number of factors including the average area covered by one lick, the pH of saliva, the solubility of Tootsie Pops, the temperature of both the saliva and the Tootsie Pop, and the amount of saliva deposited on the Tootsie Pop after each lick. This is not to mention all the manufacturing irregularities that may occur during production, and varying tongue shapes and solvency properties of saliva.

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Why was timmy having trouble with his homework? Because lobotomies were a forced practice in the 1950's.

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Guess what I saw... Wood, I'm a carpenter.

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Why is that chicken crossing the ro-..... oh, woops, he got run over by that truck...

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What did the man say to his father? You are not my mom.....

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Why did the puppy get shot? It lived in Detroit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops