A devout Christian dies– Peter winks as his soul passes through the impenetrable Gates of Heaven. Everyone is gay and– like, gay as in happy– Homosexuals aren't allowed in.

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What's worse than getting a parking ticket? Getting Cancer.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because 7 is black.

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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Knock Know Who's there? Not your dog, he just got run over.

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What do you call a man with only one eye? Half blind.

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Whats worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Getting Raped

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The Blonde Gets 100 % On Her Math Test

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an irishman walks past a bar a.w. j.p.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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What's worse than finding your cat dead? Finding your cat dead because it choked on your goldfish.

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Q. What does a blonde and beer bottles have in common? A. Nothing. Blonde is a hair color and beer bottles are inanimate objects used to contain various brands of beer.

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Why won't the carny let the black kid on the carnival ride? He doesn't meet the height requirements

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Roses are Red Violets are dog I'm Senile Flower tastes like frog.

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Want to hear a joke? No.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put C where A is. :D

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A Mexican walks into Taco Bell, because it is the only restaurant within walking distance of his workplace.

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wut did the cow say to the other cow thet's get a moo shake

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If someone tells you to look behind you do you? No

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A man goes and buys a head of cabbage. The cabbage had a worm in it. When the man saw the worm, he threw out the cabbage and bought a new one the next time he went to the grocery store.

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? Jelly is made from the juice of the fruit while jam is made from the pulp of the fruit.

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Why did Mary fall off the swing. She had no arms Knock knock Whis there Not Mary.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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If life gives you lemons, get some seeds from them and plant them. Then in a few years you'll have a lemon tree. Then take some lemons off that tree and throw them at people saying "Here's your stupid lemons, people".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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