Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.

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What did Buzz say to Woody? A lot. There were 3 movies.

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What does a blonde say when she being raped? Ow it hurts stop... What does the guys who's raping her say? Oh shut up you know you like it...

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A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling. "I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said. So he found some berries, but spit them out. "These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said. He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees. "That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said. He then stumbled upon a cabin. "I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered. The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.

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a man walked up to me and said someone is dying with long terminal cancer i said who? man replies your cat. i replied i don't have a cat. man says whoops wrong person

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a potato flew around my room

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Tell me fuck you Fuck you No fuck your mum

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how many babies does it take to paint a barn? depends on how hard you can throw them

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I saw a woman get donkey punched in the middle of the street. Nero the clit collector: You know... What is it called when A donkey kinda lifts its front hoove and hits a woman? ...WHAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE STARVE TO DEATH BECAUSE OF YOUR COIN COLLECTION? YOUR STAMPS ARE MURDER! (or something) At least my uh... "Friends" survive... SOMETIIIIIIIIMEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!! ...And then I kill them.

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I'd feel bad for some skinny guy who lived in a very obese family and only got hand me downs.

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What did the man on a business trip to Japan say to his wife on the phone? The nuclear reactor in the next city over is melting down as we speak. If I don't see you again, I love you.

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Jamie Oliver eats a chip

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How do you get a bear out of a tree with cheese? Camembert.

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People who are addicted to brake fluid just can't stop.

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What's black and white and red all over? A bleeding penguin.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman crashed onto a desert island... The Englishman swiftly used his satellite phone to broadcast their location and they were taken home to their worried families.

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Why did the dog run away from home? His house burned down and his owners were killed.

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Your mom is so fat she wears large clothes

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A pedophile walks into a daycare

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what did helen keller say when she dropped a box on her toe. nothing. helen keller cannot speak

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Two black guys walk into a bar the bartender says get out

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Nice story but I wish it would have had a good point like... A moral? Moral: Need a light?

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Why couldn't the black man get a high-paying job? because he lived during the harsh and cruel times of slavery.

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what did Marvin Gay's father say to him before he died? "hey come listen to this 45 real quick"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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