So a man is shopping on black Friday...

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Why couldn't the turtle swim? Because he went too close to an oil spill, the petroleum got into his mouth and coated his lungs and he is now dead.

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Two pretzels were walking down the street when one got assaulted...

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple?

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What do you call Bob if he gets a nose ring? Bob

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Q: Whats Long, Black and Smells? A: Sh*t

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If there are 3 apples, and you take 2, how many do you have? BLAM! Texas castle law, motherfukker!

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What time is the dentist appointment? Time for you to get a watch

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How do you make a plumber cry? Murder his family.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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A Palestinian woman asks a man for directions. She is promptly stoned to death.

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Knock knock Who's there? Orange That's impossible...

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? A present.

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What do you call an Englishman, an Irishman and a Chineseman playing football? 3 friends playing their favourite sport.

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Two guys went into a bar and started drinking. After sometime one guy said to the other, "I love your mother.I want to marry her." The other guy said,"Come on dad,you have been drinking too much."

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Killing your friend as a joke.

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What do you call an unexpected pregnancy? A defective condom.

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Q) A Christian, slightly disabled but perfectly capable man has a packet of Jaffa Cakes. He strolls casually toward the edge of a cliff, rapidly checking his watch. The man slowly examins the packet before gradually opening the packaging. First the box, then the packet. He quickly throws the jaffa cakes over the edge of the cliff, Why? A) The man doesnt like jaffa cakes

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Politely say "Hey you, get out of the tree."

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? we will never know he never opened it

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a young mother cow died in a street crossing by a large oil truck, she was never buried and became infested with maggots in the next few days

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Today i started to think lucas was homosexuaI.. I am scared

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-What's long, hard and full of semen? -Since this is a play on words both an erect penis and a naval submarine could apply here

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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