No one walks into a bar... because it was closed.

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What do you call an amazing, funny, beautiful, nice, goreous, stunning girl? Adena Gabrysiak <3

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, monkey do. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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There once was a man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe He got a slight case of sunburn which improved later after applying some ointment.

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O'Malley, an Irishman; Adam, a Jew; and Patrick, a gay man, walk into a bar. Oh crap. I just outed Patrick.

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Why'd Sally fall of the swing? Sally's a fish.

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what do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? An horse

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What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

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There are a black guy and a Mexican in a car, who`s driving? The cops

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I went to the local RSPCA office today....it's tiny, you couldnt swing a cat in it.

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Why was it raining lobsters? Because they ran out of men. Why did the basketball player miss the net? Because he was hit by a lobster

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Once upon a time there lived 3 polar bears; a mummy polar bear, a daddy polar bear and a baby polar bear. Ond day the baby polar bear said to the daddy polar bear "I don't feel like a polar bear, I'm cold!" and the daddy polar bear said "You look like a polar bear."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't, he was hit by a car. I lied about him crossing the road.

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Why did little Susie fall off the cliff? I pushed her.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a brick.

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Why did the Asian drive his car into a tree? His contact fell out.

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A horse walk into the bar, the bar tender asked, why the long face the horse unable to understand English takes a shit and walk away.

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What is red and ragging? A Hemorrhoid

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Why did little Jimmy drop his ice cream ? He got hit by a bus.

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How do get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there was a red light and it was his turn to cross.

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Excuses are like butt holes...they are round

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-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

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Dad, if I say shit or somethin... Dad: FALCOWN PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCH!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops