Mary had a little lamb... that's what she gets for having intercourse with the farm animals.

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Bill: Did you hear someone said you sounded like an owl? Dave: Who?

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Whos there? NOT SALLY.

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Why did the black guy get a boner? The nitric oxide levels in his trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of his penis rose, causing his arteries to dilate and therefore enlarging his penis.

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What is Hellen Keller's favorite movie? Around the block in 80 days.

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chuck norris threw a grande and killed 50 people then the grande blew up

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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Jack and jill went up a hill to get some water. Jack fell down, twisted his ankle, and continued to roll. He broke his spine and collar bone and he was later taken to the hospital. Later that night he died because the doctors couldn't do anything. Jill then killed herself in mourning.

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A kid has no friends.

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Wanna hear a clean joke? I took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is the girl next door.

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What do you do to a brain dead man to get his money? Pull the plug.

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A man dreamt that he was eating a marshmallow. He ate his dog.

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two muffins are sitting in an oven one muffin turns and says "boy it`s hot in here" the other muffin can`t bring himself to explain to the other they are about to be eaten alive.

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How many unicorns does it take to change a light bulb? 17. 11 if its Tuesday.

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What do you call a man with a shovel through his head? Unless he was carrying ID when he died; John Doe.

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There were 2 drunk men. Man 1:im planning to buy the world. man 2:you cant. man 1:why. man 2: cause im not gonna sell it.

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Roses are blue Violets are green I have issues, What should I do?

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The dinosaurs aren't really extinct. Just kidding.

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Why cant t-rexes clap their hands? They no longer exist

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? They do, they just choose not to compete certain years.

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What do u call a mixture of black people and asian people. Breakfast- Scrambled Eggs and Sausage

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Women's Rights

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names

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A black man walks in to a bar and says ouch! A jewish man walks in to a bar and later sews that same bar for he and the black mans injurys.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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