A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bad at poems... Nice tits

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Why do jews love money so much? Because money is very valuable and everyone loves it.

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Did you know that Hellen Keller had a roller coaster in her backyard? Neither did she

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whats worse then being a jew now? being a jew in 1942

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork. Whats better than catching a baby with a pitchfork? Eating it afterwords.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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every time I stay in the water too long my pp gets all shriverly sometimes can't find it omg that's so weird

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What do you call an armless legless man swimming? Dead

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How are grapes and squirrels similar? They're both purple. Except for the squirrel.

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whoever said we're all soft on the inside was probably not an experienced doctor.

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How do you stop a baby alien from crying? Watch what its mother does to soothe it and then try and copy that.

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What happens when you lose your fish? It dies.

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A lot eh?

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What's a skateboard without wheels A snowboard

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mental kid

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What did the thief get for Christmas? Nothing. He was sentenced to the death penalty.

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See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

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why did the plane crash?.............the pilot was a tomato

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How does micheal Jackson know when it's bed time? When the big hand touches the little hand.

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Wat do you do when you see aomeone bleeding on the ground? Walk away and act like nothing happened

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What did the red bag have written on it? Yellow bag

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Rosees are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia and I do too

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What is a chair?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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