How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

theres no I in Intelligence a.w. j.p.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock, Knock Who's there? The IRS, we're taking your house. This is a vacation notice, please be out of the property in 30 days. Have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the old Hispanic man say to the young black woman in the Laundromat? I don't know cause I goofed in school and didn't pay attention in spanish class.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what do black men and vending machines have in common? neithier work and they both steal your money

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the doctor say to the patient? You have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a doorstep? A: Matt.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do you care?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the Muslim have under his hood of his car? A V-8 engine.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Knock Knock Who's there? Nick Oh hi Nick come in

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red Violets are blue You think this will rhyme But it ain't gonna.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the Elf stab the Gnome? Because I was on a bad acid trip.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q. what did voldemort get for christmas that harry potter didnt? A. dinner with his parents

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's red, fast, and flies through the air? A tomato in a plane.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call something thats mostly made of wood, big, round and stupid A retarded version of the Knights of the round table

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you know when there's a terrorist in an airport? There's a camel in the parking lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did the girl fall off the swing Because she had no arms

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Did you hear the one about the nascar driver who couldn't pass his road test? No. It's true, he couldn't pass his road test.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you call blond girl with no arms and no legs ? A victim of a tragic car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why is Osama Bin Laden scared of the dark? To be honest, I don't know, and I doubt you do either. Osama Bin Laden has been a fugitive on America's Top Ten Most Wanted list for over 10 years; there is no way that you could possibly know such personal information about him if the United States government can't even locate him and prosecute him for the heinous crimes he committed against the U.S. Don't ever lie to me again.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the bartender kick out the three jews at midnight? Because the bar closes at 11.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops