A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

One walrus says to the other, "Why are you shaking like that?" The other walrus says, " I've been addicted to ectasy for three years. It's ruining my life."

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Q. How many blonds do you know? A. I don't know any blonds, but are you perhaps talking about blondes? Because if so, I still don't know any.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did Sally get hit with a fridge? Because someone threw a fridge at Sally Why would someone throw a fridge at her? Because Sally has no arms

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red violets are blue ice-cream is yummy can I eat you

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why do flamingos hold up one leg?f If they held up two they'd fall down.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call 200 black people dead in the ocean? It's a start.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why couldn't the Indian kid read? He got shot in the eye.

thumb_up thumb_down

Two guys walk into a bar, one is treated for a concussion.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's the difference between a dead baby and a pineapple? There will be no funeral for the pineapple..

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because she was a very poor worker.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was the tree sad? Trees cannot think or move, and thus cannot feel emotions.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A guy walks into a bar Many people gather around him to see if he is alright and to tell him he needs to watch where he is going.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

How do you make a small child cry? You cut off his fingers..

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A child rides by his mother on his bicycle and says "Look Mom, no hands!" The child doesn't come back, and night falls but he has yet to come home. His mother calls the police and a search begins 2 days later. He is never found is presumed dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

this girl and guy were sitting on my couch turns out its my sister and her boyfriend and she just farted

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, killed 6's family and made him watch...

thumb_up thumb_down +5

whats the difference between me and callum ? one soul.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

A horse walks into a bar. It doesn't order anything or say anything because it is a horse. It proceeds to walk around and knock over a few tables before finding the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why is Justin Bieber better than Freddie Mercury? Freddie Mercury is dead. Justin Bieber is still alive. Also Freddie Mercury is ugly and Justin is hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -387

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, your body rejected the transplant and you died.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

So, same time tomorrow then?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q. What's louder than one dinosaur? A. A whole bunch of dinosaurs.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How many people can you fit in an oven? A: I Don't know ask a holocaust survivor.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops