why did the kids pull the fire alarm? because there was a fire.

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What starts with F and ends with UCK? FUCK

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How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

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??????????? ??????????????? "Hello, idiot teacher! You eat milk."

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Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Several occupants leave as they realise the danger of the large animal.

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Q: Why is the sky green? A: It's not

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Want to hear a funny joke? Sure. Women's Rights. That's not even a joke. You don't get it. It's not even a sentence.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead. why did the frog fall out of the tree? because it was stapled to the monkey,

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There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

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Why do birds suddenly appear? If you were more observant, you would notice they usually approach gradually.

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Hey I Just Met You And This Is Crazy But I Am Pregnant And It's Yhur Baby ~GotDemChoozen

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I violate everyone that do not thumb me green, and vi0late the children, the parents, and the person of those that thumb me red... Its not about the sex, its about the domination... You might even like it...Your kids? Not so much... Well sometimes... Green thumb me, and I will... Meh, then you are awesome... friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: Subscribe below, address tracker activated... LETS GO!

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A guy walks into a bar. But this was a bar like a pole, so the man ended up with a broken nose.

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Bare with me here, im gonna change this up a bit What's better then finding a worm in your apple

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What's worse than being annal raped by a black man? Well lots of things are but being raped by a guy who has around a 7 inch penis may be hurtful I'm sure being cut open and eaten alive may be worse;)

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What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

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Bible Fact0idz: "Something Drink my blood and consume my flesh and live forever something" Jesus- dead age 30something alcoholism liver problems and diabeetus at time of death, crucified and not been seen since, return pending? Classified Alcoholic. Moral: "YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

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"Never trust what the internet says." - Abraham Lincoln

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Why did the Koala Fall out of the tree, It was Dead

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What did one volcano say to the other? Hey.... wana get some lunch... later, not now of course it's WAAAAY TOO EARLY!

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why is walmart so big? Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping and affordable low prices. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory .

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One asks the other "Isn't it hot in here?" To which the other replies, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!"

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Girlfriend: OMG! what could be worst than you cheating on me? Holocaust

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A guy walks into a bar with a Donkey and a jar full of pennies. He walks up to the bartender and orders ten shots of whiskey. He was found dead the next morning from erotic asphyxiation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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