A cat walks into a bar. She belongs to the owner, so he gives her a saucer of milk.

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IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

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Q. What do you call a bear ripping a man to pieces? A. A bear.

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How many Grand Jurists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on if it was a cop that snuffed out the light bulb.

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How can you tell when a African man is lying? Like any other person you would use a lie detector.

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Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. The man apologizes, and the bra assures him not to worry. They both continue on their way. The man wonders what a bra is doing walking around unattached to a woman, especially this late at night.

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Q: Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? A: The backyard gate was left open

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How many jews can get in a Volvo? 5.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monekey fall out of the tree? It thought it was a game. Why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? It had no arms. Why did the girl fall of of her bike? She was hit by three monkeys and a refridgerator

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Guess what.. chicken butt

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The World Record For Longest Game of Hide and Seek goes to... Binladin

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Person 1 - Did you know there is only evidents of killer whales killing in captivity Person 2 - tell that to my uncle Pete... He's deaf

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what do you call a dead man rolling down a hill on fire, being shot in the head, and strapped to a bomb Dead

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Trouble with the trolley, eh? No

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a man walks into a bar... and he says 'ouch!'

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How many blind men does it take to change a light bulb?

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Ouch.

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hi my name is 50 cent my mom swallowd 2 quarters befor i was born dsthgiudghyudgfuawyg

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Knock Knock Who's there? its the police mam your son has been killed by a hit and run driver, the driver was an alcohol

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A small boy called peter got stuck up a tree, a man walks past and said "how did you get up there?" peter replies "i fell"

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A black guy, mexican, and asian walk into a bar. They leave soon after because they heard the "one about them"

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Why did the black guy fell from the stairs? Because I threw him

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what do you call a black guy on steroids? a black guy on steroids

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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