Why did the Asian drive his car into a tree? His contact fell out.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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A pterodactyl walks into a bar, bartender says "What'll you have." To which the pterodactyl graciously replies "RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRR." Because pterodactyl's do not speak English.

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How many black guys does it take to change a lighbulb idk, you cant see its dark

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What's green and has wheels? A cucumber with wheels.

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Q: What's black, white, and red all over? A: A horribly maimed zebra.

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Your mother is so ugly that she looks like you.. :)

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Guy 1: What the shit is that car? Guy 2: Its not a car. It's an alfa romeo

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I am pregnant And it's your baby

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Why did my mom smell bad. Because she is a corpse and has been dead for some days now

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knock knock ... no one was in

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What do you call Morgan Freeman at a family reunion? Morgan Freeman.

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Knock knock... Home invasion

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Q. What's better then a baby in a microwave? A. What the hell is wrong with you? Did your parents not love you enough when you were born? Everything is worse then a baby in a microwave! Besides the felony charges it is extremely wrong! Your going to hell.

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What long black and tasty? Licorice

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what's grosser then 1000 babies stapled to a tree?? 1 baby stapled to 1000 trees

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Chuck Norris walks in to a bar then many people greet him because of his celebrity status.

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Why didn't Michael J. Fox feel the Virginia earthquake? He was on vacation in Maui.

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Why didn't the sperm cell cross the road? It died from the intense heat.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in an open hole Poor body disposal practice

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Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. Just kidding. He's paralyzed

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Three guys at the beach decided to bet on who could swim the farthest. The first guy, could not swim so he lost. The second guy got a cramp right away. The third one swam far away into the distance, and was not seen or heard on for days... Three weeks later his corpse was found floating by the shore. The other two died out of guilt.

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Two goldfish are swimming in the ocean. One says to another, "I don't think we will be able to survive in this salty environment".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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