A mermaid found a magic lamp at the bottom of the ocean. She rubbed it and a cat with 9 lives came out so he didn't drown.

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What did the muffin say to the other muffin? "Hello, nice to meet you."

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Dear Sarah, Your a damn lesbian! Sincerely Adam Claypool

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Why doesn't Rick Moranis come out with anymore movies? He left the film industry in 1997, six years after the 1991 loss of his wife, Anne, to liver cancer.

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Nero, I understand, what I thought was correct, was to teach people to understand those exact words that you are conveying. Its not that, I am afraid of showing the world the man that I am. But rather that I am not a man, I admire your vision, and tried to follow it, as we got much in, common, I can think as an individual and still admire your work. But you know how society is built, if too many find out I am a woman, then that not only reveals that I have been lying to them, which I have, but also that well, women are not exactly seen as equals, I know I never was, all people ever saw in me was "a great pair of tits".

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How much weight can an ant carry up a mole hill? Ice cream has no bones.

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My girlfriend dumped me because I'm patronizing. That means I treat people like they're stupid.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, it was kind of by chance that it crossed the road and what is the big deal lots of animals cross the road. For example possums, squirrels, deer, raccoons, cats, dogs, rabbits do pretty often too it's weird because sometimes more rabbits cross the road on Easter I don't know if that's just me though, chipmunks, bears, over in Africa probably tigers and lions cross those roads.

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What happens if Pinocchio says "My nose is about to grow." Nothing, Pinocchio was a fictional character created by Walt Disney.

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how do you make a plumber cry Kill his family

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What is the difference between a firework and a dog? One is funny to blow up and the other one is pretty lights

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Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter because they have an in depth understanding of astrophysics and interstellar travel.

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Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

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What do cows and grass have in common? They both say "moo", except for the grass.

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Why has the suicide in dentists decreased? -Due to the fact that being a dentist makes suicide redundant!

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How do you keep Helen Keller distracted? Find a stimulating device that blind and deaf people can operate correctly.

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Yo mama's chest is so flat that it's because she has stage five breast cancer and had to get both her breasts removed.

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Ask me about my wiener. How's your wiener? I don't have a wiener, I'm a woman.

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Why did the blonde's parents take away her car? She didn't pay for half the insurance like she said she would.

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Three men on a journey stop at a farm and ask the farmer if they might be allowed to stay the night. The farmer consents upon one condition: that the visitors not lay a hand on his daughter. The men respected the farmers wishes and left in the morning.

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Q : What did Piers tell his friend before leaving ? A : Bye.

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Why did the lemon eat salt? I DON'T KNOW!!

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Why didn't the cat eat its dinner? Because I nailed its head to the floor.

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What do you call an unexpected pregnancy? A defective condom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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