What is the first thing you should do when a person is choking? Make sure the person is choking How can you tell if a person is choking? If he's going like this: aaghh gaghhg agghhh gaghhhhh ghghaghghgh

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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says "I'm worried about your book choice, maybe you should consult a theropast".

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i suck at poetry, show me your tits!

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Her lips aren't proportionally fit to her face

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was a free-range chicken

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What's the difference between the WNBA and the NBA? The WNBA features female athletes, as oppose to the males of the NBA.

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What do dogs and whales have in common? They both live in the ocean. Apart from the dog.

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what language does the turtle speak? i dont know I'm not a turtle.

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Dont be silly, you know that everything is relative, and that relativity is as unlimited as the subconscious mind, give me ten more minutes, and I can hypnotize you in five minutes in order to see life in slow motion yourself for as long as you feel like. Just dont expect your body to adjust like mine, meaning that if you try to run, your brain will use its old habits while your perception is used to the slow ones... In other words, you will end up on the floor or smacking into a wall.

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Why don't you have a seat, over there?

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They say under Chuck Norris's beard, is just a chin.

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Have you heard about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problems out with a pencil... It was a #2 pencil

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Do you like flowers NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOW GET ME A COKE! And a pizza

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Two men are sitting on the couch watching sports, the first man farts, the second chuckles. They continue watching their program.

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Wh ydo i Hate you? 'COs Your a Gimp!

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Tim and Eric

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A man walks to a bar. The door was locked and had a closed sign so he walks away and goes home.

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Why did the priest touch the little boy? To Baptise him.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is a woman

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what did the grandma do after she was pushing up daisies? washed her hands because gardening is a dirty activity

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What's the difference between liberals and communists? Nothing.

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I can count to potato.

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I would like a rum and............ Coke." The bartender asks, curiously, "What's up with the big pause?" The bear looks down at his paws, embarrassed, and mumbles under his breath, "social anxiety."

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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