This is in Spanish when you're not looking.Just kidding, that's not possible. It's actually German.

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Your mom's so fat that she went in to get liposuction and subsequently died from infection.

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Hickory Dickory Dock My dog died today.

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What did the prostitute eat for lunch? Nothing because she was too busy performing oral sex for money.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why could'nt the boy eat peanuts? Because if he did he would proceed to have an allergic reaction, his throat would swell up, he would go into analeptic shock and die.

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Kid 1: "Want a Hurts Doughnut?" Kid 2: "Umm... sure." Kid 1 opens up a box of freshly baked Hurts doughnut from Hurts Bakery and gives one to kid 2

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

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joke under this line wins _________________________

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on a scale from voldemort to nigel thornberry, how big is your penis?

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Single man, interested in women. Profession: Particle Physicist. Looking for: A strong interaction with a strange, charming woman. One who will ride both up and down the roller-coaster of a relationship, that is not fussy about being top or bottom and that is not impartial to the many flavours of life. I look forward to you spinning me around; Yours Sub-atomically, Professor Quark.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Say, "Wake up!"

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Your momma's so fat; She has a constant sense of insecurity due to the instability in her relationships caused by her involuntary obesity.

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Try this on someone... go up and say "Ive got a great knock knock joke for you but you have to start" there response "Ok, knock knock" you say "Who's there?" They are usually dumbfounded and a hilarious awkward silence ensues

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how many moms can you fit in a bathtub? as many as you want

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what worse then stepping on a lego? watching your son kill your wife

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There's a mexican and african american in a car. Who's driving? A cop.

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A black man walks into a white man on the street. The white man viciously beats the black man.

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did Michael Jackson touch children ? yes of course. otherwise he would have been an absolutely terrible father

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Why did the hispanic buy a pepsi? Because he was thirsty.

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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff. What's not pink and fluffy? Rape.

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Why did little Lisa fall off the swings? She had no arms

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Laughter and joy... You are really sweet you know.. Excuuuse me princess! But Like Mickey Mouse never changed... From a Potato peeler to some fuckup private detective in a trenchcoat. So tell me, what character did Walt Disney draw before Mickey Mouse?

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Why couldn't Jimmy go bowling with the rest of his friends? His parents shot him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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