how may i help you

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What is green, and could kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

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What did David say to Goliath? Not sure, does anyone have a Bible?

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What's in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a helicopter.

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How do you know that an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The door is ripped off and the refrigerator is lying on it's side. All the shelves are strewn around the floor and your food has been partially eaten or simply crushed. You also have costly damage done to your house and most likely a frightened elephant in your house

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A man walks into a bar. He suffered concussions later that night.

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A child walks into a classroom.

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A horse walks into a bar... The bartender is amazed at the fact that an animal that possesses neither the mental nor the physical abilities to open doors, still managed to enter the bar without breaking anything.

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You're flying above the Kansas Ocean, you lose your brakes and have to paddle all the way to shore. How many dogs can you fit on a carousel? Blue, because Ice Cream is cold.

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Why did the fish but the house Because it wanted to eat the house

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What has four legs one head but only one foot? A dog that was born with physical deformities.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Gestapo.

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A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your doorbell is broken.

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Why did Sandy fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock-knock. Who's there? Not Sandy.

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Godzilla steps on a bar and orders a Scotch.

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Why can't Helen Keller conduct a Train. Because she is dead.

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Why is the mexican navy so bad? They have insufficient funds to give to their military as they are a 2nd world country.

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What did the furry tweet when he went to a furry convention? A: I'm at a furry convention

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What did the priest tell his son? Nothing, priests can't have children.

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baby on board sign?? target aquired.............

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What did the day say to his son when he came out of the closet? Its alright

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roses are red vilest are blue shes mine and if you take my place my fist will go in your face

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What is worst about the great white shark? It's hundreds of sharp teeth, strong tail, or subtle racism? Probably the teeth.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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