What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jam is slightly more viscous and may contain bits of fruit.

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How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit it in the face with an axe

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Why is Jesse so fat? A horse, Because a cow gives milk thus creating pee wee Herman to jack off at an astonishing speed

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What is a 3 legged dog? It's still a dog! Sheesh

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MORTAL KOMBAAAAAT BETA 0.3!!! DUDUDUDUDUDUDUNDUN Kano, Kano, Kano, Uh, some asian guy? Kano Kano, Kano, some black guy in the future, Kano, Kano, etc. MORTAL KOMBAAAT BETA 0.3!!!

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What do caterpillars fear most? Death.

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Roses are grey, violets are grey, everything is grey, i'm a dog.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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When life gives you melons, your probably dyslexic.

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What's sad about this man who committed suicide? He forgot to return his rented DVDs.

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What succeeds most of the time? The population of a field with grass.

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Roses are brown, Violets are brown, Stop shitting in my garden

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What did the sniper say when a newsreporter asked what he felt when he shot a terrorist? The sniper replied: Recoil.

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Knock Knock who's there? Steve Steve who? Steve. I already told you my name.

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Why was segregation made Illegal? because its more fun to break the law

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Hey, I just met you. Nice to meet you.

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why did the supermodel have sex with the janitor? she loved him. and he was brad pitt.

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Did you hear about the sale on the toyota cars from japan? if you can get it out of the water its free!

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Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Women's rights.

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Why did Hayden Bryant walk down the street? Because he can, dont doubt Hayden Bryant.

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Were did Suzie go after the bombing? A: everywere

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're adopted.

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What the difference between a duck? One of the legs is both the same.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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