Life gave me onions. Onionaide Sucks

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why does my ass hurt I played gmod with a blackpeople

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Popsicles

thumb_up thumb_down +39

How do you kill Michael Jackson? You don't he is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the doctor say to his patient? You have 2 weeks to live.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

person 1: Do you have a christmas necklace I could borrow for a party? person 2: I have a one with a leprechaun.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A Chinese man... pulling another Chinese man in one of those carts behind him.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did Helen Keller name her dog? Well i would imagine one of various names for a domesticated animal and she would choose the name based on her likes towards nature or an element of nature, being the educated individual she i would think she may name it base on a person of importance, such as an author or maybe a writer that inspires her.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you get children to behave? Chop them up.

thumb_up thumb_down

Please don't rape me.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what did the policeman say to an armed robber? you can go, as long as you don't hurt my doughnuts

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was the unemployed dolphin trainer so sad? His life has no purpoise. In an unrelated topic, how is he unemployed id he is a dolphin trainer?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

whats worse than the holocost, nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Whats the worst part about being fat. Your fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Well that explains a lot, thank you.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Once soon a time there was a boy named steven. He dropped his ice cream because... You know the rest

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why is the alien dead as a door-nail? Because the door-nail was never alive nor could it ever be dead therefore the alien must have never existed just like the life and death of the door-nail.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did sally fall off the swings? Because she had no arms. Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Whatever you like, it can't hear you.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

why did the man stay home on a monday? He was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do you call cheese that's mine? My cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops