In the middle of a long flight from Heathrow to Chicago O'Hare, the passengers of a 747 watched the engines all suddenly flame out. "Now, folks," the captain said over the PA as the plane plummeted to the earth, "I want it on record that I said it in plain English: a 747 can't fly from Heathrow to Chicago without refueling." No one bothered writing it down.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Neither has he.

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so a unicorn walks into a bar... and then i woke up

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what do black men and vending machines have in common? neithier work and they both steal your money

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Why was the baby going so fast? It was tied to a bus.

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your mom is so fat, she stepped on the scale and said, "I really need to eat better and I'm thinking about getting a gym membership." She did so, and she lost so much weight that all her friends congratulated her everywhere she went, and some didn't even recognize her.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Shit I'm bleeding.

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Why was the little boy sad? -Because he was on Fire.

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Q: What's green and goes through walls? A: A pickle, you just have to throw it really hard.

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what do you call a prostitute with white eyes? emma , with the cloudy iris,

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 27

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Josh Hamilton walks into a bar.

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Why is Skrillex bad at fishing? Because he always increases the treble input in his songs, and he doesnt have a rod.

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A penguin bikes to a bakery, the baker asks him "what kind of bread do you want?" Penguin replies "it doesn't matter, im biking"

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What did the rabbit say to the frog? If you think the rabbit said anything, you need to see a psychiatrist.

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They say under Chuck Norris's beard, is just a chin.

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A dyslectic man walks into a bra. It was dark and he didn't see the laundry his wife hanged on the clothes line.

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i feel like i will die some heroic death, but its more likely i will trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

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How do you put in a lightbulb? Call your local electrition

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There's no way to know. The chicken can't speak any humanly comprehensible languages so any reason we can determine is pure speculation.

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What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

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How do you stop an asshole from being an asshole toward you? Shoot him in the head.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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