How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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Chuck Norris doesn't answer the phone - he doesn't have one at the moment

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Why did the young man have a young woman do cart wheels when he was in his tree house watching her do them on the ground? Who knows?He never shared his feelings.

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a guy walked into my house and asked "why do you do the beep test every arvo?" i suddenly replied, im matt minors i get chicks

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Knock! Knock! Who's There? The Police. Open the damn door. Nobody Is Home.

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How do you keep a puppy warm? You throw it in the fire...

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What do a priest, a rabbi, and an asian have in common? They all don't know each other.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead become stranded on a desert island. As they are searching for food and shelter, they come across a mystical-looking lamp. They rub the lamp, but nothing happens because genies don't exist.

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but the real question is why there are two flies having sex inside a light bulb.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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How many babies does it take to paint a house? That is child labor, which is illegal in many countries.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?" The horse replies, "I have cancer."

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why does david stutter during meetings. because he smiles till his cheeks hurt

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A duck walked into a bar. He asked for a drink and the bartender gave him it

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How can you tell your not italian? You aint no Guito!

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What do you call a black person trying to swim? Wet.

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what did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile "robin, get in the batmobile"

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roses are red violets are dead honey is yellow and so is head

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prison isnt fun it also is bland kidnapping is a crime but get in the van

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Why didn't the black boy get any presents from Santa? Because he isn't real.

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What do you get when you cross a Dachshund and a Nazi? Bestiality. Ew.

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14 people jump in a hole about 25 ft deep. they can't climb out because it is a straight vertical drop.

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When did the Chinese guy go to the dentist? At the correct time he had been allotted.

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I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces of me and bounces of you too because sound isn't affected by your adhesive properties.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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