Manchester City

thumb_up thumb_down -3

There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was the dentist sent to jail? Because he committed a crime.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's black and hangs from trees? tires ...and black people

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the Batmobile? - "Robin, get in the Batmobile"

thumb_up thumb_down +43

i dont like attention whores lol

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What is white and square? A ping pong block

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Civil Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down

:(Sneeze) :Bless You :Thank You! :Mention it :Thank You!

thumb_up thumb_down -102

What's worse than dropping a dollar down the drain? Getting constantly tortured for hours non-stop by getting your eyebrows plucked out one by one and getting your teeth pulled out and getting your arms cut open by a razor and getting your nose twisted off and getting your nipples ripped off by a pair of pliers and getting your toenails scraped off by a knife and getting a needle shoved into your eyes and getting a sword stuffed up your arse and getting your penis split in two like a hotdog and getting your balls smashed up by a sledgehammer so the sperm inside goes everywhere. I think that would be worse than dropping a dollar down the drain.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is wrong with racism? A lot of things.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What did santa claus get the boy with cancer for christmas? Nothing. Santa is not real and thus incapable of granting christmas wishes.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What does the latin maid does when I tell har to clean behind the couch? Nothing, she doesn't speak English.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

do you have a wife?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to go well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that when his wife was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas, despite that the tank was full and she only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrendous car accident that caused the fuel to empty and catch fire. Mary survived but their 6 month old baby was killed.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Did you hear about the man who went up into space without a space suit? He died.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse answers, "Because I'm an alcoholic."

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I asked my wife to make me a sandwich. I had forgotten she was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the bartender say to the three-legged Irishman? What can I get you?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How do you kill a blonde? Shoot her repeatedly in the face and then slit her throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A Priest and A Rabbi Walk Into The Bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock Knock. Who's There? I don't know. I'm paralyzed.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the Mexican socially inept. Because he hadn't recieved a good education

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops