Yo momma's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror she decided to get plastic surgery.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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U know what they say about big shoes? Big socks

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Why is yellow afraid of 7? Impossible. Colors have no sense of fear.

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon... Michael Jackson has sex with little boys.

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If John has 32 candy bars and he eats 28, whAt does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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What's worse than celery stuck between your teeth? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Obama

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Roses are red violets are blue suck my **** and I'll **** you too

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What do a magazine and a banana have in common? They both have pages, except for the banana.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile? 'Get in the batmobile Robin'

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Good question, probably because I cannot get enough focus to "put a spell" on anyone because of my allergy, I use "autocast" for the rest. "Put a spell" I have not heard that since I was 14, that's really oldschool, and kinda geeky, back then it was code talk... Which is also geeky unless it actually serves a good purpose. AAAND... I served my mandatory time in the army as a minesweeper, we got attacked by fucking allies because of a... Yeah, I killed, people on our same team, still bad people, they offed about everybody else until I showed up, long story short, yeah I offed four of them, but that's like ten years ago.. My turn, you really got a crush on me dont you?

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What's the difference between communism and race mixing? Zey come for our blood, but drown in zeir ovn!!!!!

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The government wants us to stop using gas and be eco friendly. Tell that to Hitler.

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You life story is the perfect cure for insomnia. [L]

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Knock knock ... Guess they aren't home.

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What do you call a black man that cuts people up and takes their money? A surgeon.

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What's the difference between 6th graders and Jews? 6th graders make it back from camp. :)

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Excuses are like butt holes...they are round

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Knock knock! Who's there? F*ck. F*ck who? F*ck you.

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the moment right after you finish the last harry potter and remember the world wasn't saved and you still have cancer

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If an atom bomb falls in a town, does it make a sound? Not to most people, as they would be killed in a massive catastrophe that will be etched into their ancestors minds for years to come, not to mention radiation poisoning and deformation.

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Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Enough.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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