What's bigger than China and Smaller than my penis? Russia and a smaller penis.

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Why was Michael Jackson seen shopping at Kmart? Because he heard little boys pants were 50% off the original price.

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so a horse walks into a bar right, and he goes up to the bartender, and the bartender being a smartass says why the long face(get because hes a horse), and the horse says his wife is dying of lung cancer, child services are taking his kids away , and im addicted to crack and that is why i have a long face the bartender then gives him the next round for free and the the horse dies of alchohol poisoning

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Why was the boy confused? Because somebody had been running around in circles around him and throwing plastic cups at his face.

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what did one sandwich say to another sandwich? nothing, sandwiches cant talk

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Wat is brown and sticky? A stick

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Why was the black person sent to the back of the bus? All of the front and middle seats were taken.

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How do you trap a squirrel? You carefully set up a trap and place acorns in the trap.

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So a baby seal walks into a club.

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Knock, Knock! Who's there? Matt. Matt, who? You're friend Matt that you texted twenty minutes ago telling me to come over.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? -I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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Knock knock Whos there? ... You got ding dong ditched

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Chuck Norris was once engaged by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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A British man walks into a dentist's office.

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What's brown and sticky? Poop

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I'm really drunk so show me your tits.

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how many members of the australian greens party does it take to write legislation? none, it's already been done for them by Karl Marx

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Why did Joseph kick the pig in the face? He though it'd be funny.

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What's worse than swing a dead baby by a rope? Stopping it with a shovel.

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What did the sphinx say to the Minotaur? Nothing, as they are fictional creatures and in according to probable science, don't not exist.

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what do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting at your doorstep? matt what do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the water? bob what do you call a man that just had his daughter taken away from him? ...sam

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Why did the man pull out his chainsaw? To get rid of a tree in his front yard.

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A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. One rainy night an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them out for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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Why did William commit suicide? Because his grandmother had recently died of terminal cancer. His mother left him on the front step when he was two, and moved to Tennessee with her baby daddy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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