What's the best thing to say to a deaf person? Nothing. They are hearing impaired and won't hear you.

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How do you get twenty black men in a tiny car? Saw them into pieces.

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there was this kid who was perfectly well-adjusted, had most normal things a person needs and a generally good life. what did he get for Christmas. non-hodgkins lymphoma.

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A horse walked into a bar and asked for a pint. The barman said, 'Sorry, we don't serve horses.' Adele sighed and walked out.

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What do you call a penguin in the desert? Most likely a dead penguin.

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A man walked into a bar. Ouch.

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? Because Suzy had no arms.

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"What dosen't kill you makes you stronger" Except losing your arms.

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What's hanging by a rope from the tree in my backyard? A tire swing.

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want to hear a joke? Woman's rights

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The next sentence is true. The previous statement is false.

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How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just beat the night since its black

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What is the difference between a person of Mexican heritage and a park bench? One is a bench, the other is a human being.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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Where was little suzie the day after the house fire? At the hospital, being treated for minor burns.

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If you say gullible over and over again, it sounds like stupidity.

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A POW is sitting in his cell when the guard walks up to him. He says "You may choose one of these tortures, drowning or listening to Rebecca Black." The POW chose Rebecca Black, for even though he disliked her music, it was much better than getting drowned

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Knock Knock! Who’s there? Alligator! I'm positively sure that Alligators are unable to talk, now please tell me who this is before I call the police.

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Q. What did the man with no heart say? A. Nothing. No living creature can live without a heart.

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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96

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Q: What is black, white, and red all over? A: A white wall with black and red paint just added onto it recently.

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Knock-Knock The man wasn't home, so there was no answer.

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Have you seen Whitney Houston's new house? Neither has she.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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