When life gives you lemons you make orange juice so people will say "How the hell did you do that?"

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How do you knock up a Catholic girl? Put your penis into her vagina without wearing a condom.

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A sober Irish individual.

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What do you call a women with 2 black eyes? Hopefully nothing because abuse is something that shouldn't be messed with and it is wrong.

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why did the plane crash? the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What did the dog say to his owner? Nothing, dogs do not have mouths that are shaped for forming words. Talking would require too many complex movements of the mouth, and since a dog's brain is very small, it would not have the capacity to hold that much information.

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If there are 3 black men as passengers in a car, who is driving? The person who is operating the vehicle.

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why did the chair brake? because a car smashed into it. where did it go? all the way to china. whats 3+4? why did the Chinese man get this wrong? Because a chair was in his head.

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How do you keep a dog from barking? Kill it.

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Which came first, the chicken or the egg? It's a meaningless question because animals had been creating eggs for millions of years before chickens ever evolved.

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A boy was crying. He had been abused and beaten by his parents, and thrown in his room. He was devastated, and wanted to kill himself. He tossed and turned in bed, and moaned himself to sleep. When he awoke, he felt a chill up his spine, noticing that all of his blankets had been torn off of his bed, leaving only him and his mattress. He open the window, and jumped out of his three story building. Luckily, his bedroom was on the first floor. He ran away, and found a rich family that loved him so much until a week later, a murderer came and killed everyone, including him.

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WHERE WAS THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENTENTS AT THE BOTTEM!!!

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What's bad about being a ghost with no arms or legs? You're dead.

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What crime does a tree commit in order to be sent to prison? Trees on.

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knock knock who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill Smith, we went to high school together. Oh hey Bill, come on in.

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Q:Why did the black man shoot the white man? A:The black man happened to be extremely good at paintball.

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The funniest thing happened the other day, it was like one went like this, and the other went like that, and then everyone laughed... ...Oh, its one of those where you would have had to be there to see how funny it was.

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Why did the boat salesman cry? Because a puppet killed his family.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I would love you But you are too ugly and overweight

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what is worse than gay sex wiping your ass with sandpaper

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A man walks into a bar and says Ouch.

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How does a plumber cross the street? Using his legs

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4 out of 4 questions. You want to cross the lake, but alligators live in that river. How do you get across? The alligators aren't there. They're all at the lion king's meeting.

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Your mommas so fat, that she's really big.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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