An optimistic person says the glass is half full Pessimistic people say the glass is half empty Engineers say the glass is 2 times the size it needs to be.

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Why can't Helen Keller conduct a Train. Because she is dead.

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Nock nock Whos there? The mailman, I have a package for you. Thank you.

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What does a blonde say when she wants to order a large pizza ? "Hi, I would like a large pizza, please."

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Will I be watching The Voice tonight? no.

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Why did the girl break her leg? Because I pushed down the staircase.

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A blonde walks into an electrics shop and asks to buy a television set. The shop-owner explains that she is signalling a microwave and is concerned for her mental wellbeing.

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What did the kid say to Santa? Nothing, he was a goat.

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Why did the women hit the telephone pole? There are many theories but one suggests that it is due to womens statistically lower cognitive spacial reasoning abilities.

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Why couldn't the man ever reach his dream of becoming a professional athlete? He was pronounced with Alzheimer at a young age and could never remember his dream the next day.

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There is a horse sitting at a bar, and the bartender says MOTHER OF GOD!! What is this horse doing in here?!

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A stripper walks into a bar, she proceeds to cry because she's an alcoholic and a stripper. Meanwhile, her 3 children sit at home hungry. She then goes home, and grabs her gun and shoots her children, then shoots herself. Bucket.

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Why couldn't tom concentrate on his homework? Because he was a loaf of bread.

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So, there's a man and a bar. He gets a hacksaw.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow wh- MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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What's funnier than 9/11? Nothing. 9/11 wasn't funny. It was a terrible tragedy, the most tragic in U.S. history. If you think that is funny you are a sick person. By: Logan in South Dakota

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A mexican and a black man are in a car. Who's driving? the black man

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What is big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock eater!

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident, you're entire family is dead.

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why dont we just take bikini bottom and push it somewhere else

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What starts with F and ends in UCK? The F word but im not allowed to say it.

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're daughter has terminal cancer.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-BD0nWgoIw

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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