Johnny Manziel is the best quarter ever (this isn't a joke just a true statement)

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A gorilla walks into the DMV to apply for a drivers license. Turns out it was just some guy in a gorilla suit doing a prank. Everybody instantly realized this at the time since gorillas aren't indigenous to the local area. They guy responsible was charged with a small fine for public mischief.

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What did the rock say to the other rock? Nothing they're rocks? What did the tree say to the other tree? Nothing they're both trees? What did the pillow say to the other pillow? Nothing they're both pillows? What did the cat say to the other cat? Meow.

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in·fun·dib·u·lum? 1. a funnel-shaped organ or part. 2. a funnel-shaped extension of the hypothalamus connecting the pituitary gland to the base of the brain. 3. a space in the right ventricle at the base of the pulmonary artery.

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– Hello. Is this a laundry? – Yes, it is a laundry.

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The other day I was talking to this guy... Nice guy

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Q: What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? A: Names

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What do you call a black person who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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Why couldn't the gay man grow a beard? He shaved his face frequently.

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What did Bob say at Fred's house? "I know where Fred lives."

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because it was a hammer.

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Why did the sponge go to the store? The same reason all sponges go to stores: to be sold to patrons of said store.

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What's worse than seeing your goldfish die? Watching your grandfather have a stroke.

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Q: what would george washington be doing if he were alive right now? A: screaming in his grave

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Why was the dog barking... Because billy fell down the well

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Your mother is so stupid that she has an IQ score that is much lower than the average person.

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So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

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- How do you keep an idiot in suspense? - How? -......

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So a leg, an arm and a head win the Boston marathon. And I'm sitting here masturbating, ...

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Knock knock Who's there Joe Aids who's?

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are you from Tennessee, cause i wanna rip out your throat you piece of dirt

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where did Lucy go when the bomb dropped? everywhere.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool The tragic drowning of a quadrapalegic

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Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Who me? Couldn't be.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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