What did the dog say when his family's grandmother came back to life from the dead and ate everyone? Nothing. This is a highly improbable situation, and furthermore, dogs cannot speak.

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i heard something so funny it made me crap my pants you were a mistake

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What's hanging by a rope from the tree in my backyard? A tire swing.

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a horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?", the horse incapable of understanding the English language promptly shits on the floor and eats a bar stool.

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What did the moon say to the sun? "I am the moon."

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Roses are red, violets are blue. i have Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.

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Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

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HOw do u DEFeat thE hatErsz shitted on em

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Why did the mailman deliver the wrong mail to people's houses? He's a bad mailman.

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven!

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I got shot once it hurt a lot

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mary poppins' handbag is full of dick

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Adam Turkolowoskiaklfadjufsdjksbgsgsafafdsg

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Why did the elephant fall into the hot chocolate? It fell off the marshmellow.

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why did the man paint his house? cause he never wanted to mow the lawn

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There's a Mexican and a black guy in a car... Who's driving? The Cop!!!

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A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

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Why did the sloth cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

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a:two guys are white but one of the guys can only see black and white so he said dude you black he said no so they have a race who won :nobody they both got hit by a bus then a car then a donkey eaea then a horse

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Whats Better Than Apple Pie Sweeeet Pie

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there is a blonde, red head, and brunet held captive in afghanistan. The people say whats your last word to the red head, she says tornado... they turned and she escaped, they say to the brunet what is your last word, she says tsunami.. they turn and she escaped. They go to the blonde and say what is your last word, she says fire... she is then shot rapidly and she dies.

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"I like my women like I like my spare tires, in the trunk of my car." -Paul Alangadan

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Do ya like waffles? Ya we like waffles.

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roses are red violets should be purple

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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