If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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Q: What do you get when you cross an alcoholic and a sex addict? A: A baby

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When life gives you lemons you can't make lemonade! Life is not a person, place, or thing that is able to physically hand you something! But, you can go to your local grocery store and buy some lemons.

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Whiney the poo and the blustery day.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To go hang himself.

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This sentence will not end the way you octopus.

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how do you make a blond girl cry? kill her family

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have no idea how to rhyme, I like tacos

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How do you you know when you haven't slept in a while? You're tired.

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What do you get when you mix red and yellow? Orange.

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A blond walked into a bar. A guy picker her up and then they had sex.

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods They both have beards... EXCEPT FOR TIGER WOODS.

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what does a jew want most for hanukkah? presents

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Noses are red, pilots are blue I am dyxslexic boo who

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what has legs but can't walk? a paraplegic

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it twice.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue At least that's what I've been told But honestly I've never seen those flowers so I wouldn't know.

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What did the cannibal eat for Christmas. Your Mom!

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And so the poster says to the apple ........ Your not my dog

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Why did the little boy viciously slash the orange object with a carving knife? Because it was Halloween.

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What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and only one eye? Dave.

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What do you call a black woman getting hit in the face? Domestic Violence.

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Miss Polly had a Dolly who was sick sick sick So she called for the Doctor to come quick quick quick The doctor came with his bag and his hat And he knocked on the door with a rat-tat-tat. He looked at Polly's Dolly and he shook his head. He said she had leprosy and must have all her limbs amputated.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops