Cannot tell, national security. As far as I care we are friends, therefore I cannot continue chatting with you for a while, its gonna seem pretty damn suspicious, I wont be repeating myself. Except again, do not worry, we will take care of this, and if not, I will contact you, you are not in any danger for the mean being, whoever are against us are looking for "Nero", not you, and I am pretty damn safe. By the way, I never lost an eye, but your "wiz" revealed himself by sharing that information, that part was the only ploy as far as I care, and it was necessary for everybody`s survival. Do not worry friend, I will call you sometime, but I recommend we stay off touch for at least 3 months, and that you stop using this site.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Helen Keller went to town riding on a pony she stuck a feather in her hat and called it uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

how do you upset a barber? Murder his family

thumb_up thumb_down +2

man walks into a bar his lack of awareness means that he didnt notice the maintenance sign in front of him he falls in a 200foot deep hole and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the Jewish kid get for Christmas? Nothing, Jews don't celebrate Christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Your mama's so hairy, the only language she knows is wookie.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you create an antijoke? Story written by Danny and Patrick

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Kim Kardashian.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

roses are red violets are red? trees are red!? who the hell cut themselves?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Dig a big hole in your front yard and wait next to it so when people walk by they'll ask "Why is there a hole in your front yard?" to whcih you will reply "I don't know. Do you wanna play Monopoly?"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Onions are like loved ones... They are both nouns. And you cry when you cut into them.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many Jews can you fit into a car? Well, it depends on how many Jews there are and what kind of car it is.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the woman have no boobs? Breast cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Three men are in prison and comparing crimes. The first says that he got three years and he never robbed that store. The second says he served six years and he never hit that lady. The third said he got life, and he killed every child in that orphanage.

thumb_up thumb_down +179

Roses are red Violets are blue... Violets are not blue they are actually purple

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returns and says, "My friend does not have a pulse, so I stand by my prior assumption that he is dead."

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Mexicans don't use lightbulbs because they can't afford them.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a a chinese abortion? My dinner

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: what happened to the man who dropped the soap? A: nothing, he casually bent over and picked it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a black person riding a bicycle? A black person riding a bicycle.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Go away nothing to see here,. I said go away

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why doesn't the boy get anything for Christmas? His parents died the night before!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Teacher: Be creative and original! Student A: Teacher, why do you want us to change our monikers? I'm fine the way I am. After all, I'm unique... just like everybody else... Teacher: Why don't I have the brilliant children? Student B: Chance/randomness plays a large part in our everyday lives. Take for example the life of Bob- a paragon for human normality. He gets up in the morning each and every single day to be greeted by an arbitrary occurrence. Although it sometimes serves Bob good, it could also aggrandize his human well of detriment. Teacher, do you want me to continue? Teacher: I retract my earlier statement. Some of the children are brilliant, but most are not. Hence I'm going to say that I have a normal class of students. Student B: Teacher, you didn't answer my last question of which I addressed to you specifically.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops