what do you get if you cross the mafia and the yakuza? a hefty bounty on your head

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like trains (:

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Yo' mama's such a hoe she got arrested last week for prostitution charges!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

If you are stranded on a deserted island would you eat your hand or the 5 star meal you butter prepared? -Matt

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: What did one raccoon say to the other? A: We do not know, as raccoons do not speak any human language. And no human being can understand or communicate with one.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why is it irrelevant whether someone is a twat or not? Love your neighbour.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree, because it was dead. why did the second monkey fall out of the tree, becuase it was dead. why did the third monkey fall out of the tree, because he thought it was a game!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did th chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock knock! Who's there? The chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Whats better than winning a Paralympic Gold Medal? Having Legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Freeza: I am the strongest in the universe! (if you ignore my brother Coola which is much stronger and all...) Goku: You have pissed me off now Freeza, I will now turn into a super Asian and prove to the world that real Asians are actually blonde and blue eyed! (I am sure Goku means Sayans, which is "completely different") Goku: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG! Freeza: Omg, he... he... is trying to take a dump! IMPOSSIBLE! I will have to find his balls and caress them... Will Goku ever take a shit? Or reach all new levels of constipation during the series? Find out in the next episode of dragon ball z!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the blonde kid that was really gay He got a bad case of HIV

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why do we have school? 2 learn duh y r u even askin? ur STOOPIDE!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A watch and a pair of socks.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the two black men break into a bank with guns? It was being robbed by a white man and they were police officers.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was running. From the forest. That hell hole. He had got away, but he could remember. The darkness. The silence. Until the unmistakable scream of the guns and then- The Running. The Screaming. The Blood, oh the blood. Seeing Charlie. Oh, that damned soul Charlie. The bullet went right- But that was long ago. So long. But sometimes, in the silence, Chicken remembers. The Running. The Screaming. The Blood. And he screams.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why doesn't Lucinda have a penis? Because she's Mexican.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Your sex life.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your definitely a virgin, too bad your mom isn't too.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's worse than finding half a worm in your Apple ? The holocust .

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do black people eat? What everyone else does!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops