What is the biggest lie in the universe? I love you.

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What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot.

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A man fuffers srom lysdexiea

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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A horse walks in a bar. Several people leave seeing the potential danger in the situation.

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Why did the depressed teenager die? Because he had cancer.

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Why was the ghost boy sad? He was attending his own funeral.

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knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John Wayne Gacy.

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What do you call a bus full of white people? A Twinky!!!

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A: Knock Knock B: I'm sleeping!

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Three black guys go to the mall, they proceed to have a grand time!

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Sometimes I finger myself to some Madonna and Mary J. Blige shit. - Jesse

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How do you make a lumberjack cry? By murdering his family.

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Want to hear the best joke? Your life :,( i think i hate you?

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Whats worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Shut up.

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A good way to remember which one is Beavis and which one is Butthead is to remember the acronym "Baby Blues." B in baby stands for Beavis, and b in blues stands for Butthead. You're welcome.

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Did you know that there is a species of rodent capable of jumping higher than an average three-story building? This is due to its muscular hind legs and the fact that the average three-story building cannot jump.

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What does a duck have in common? The further it flies the more.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had alopecia.

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What's brown and sits in the woods? Winnie's poo

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What do you get when you cross a leopard with a camel? Sacked from the zoo.

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How does a man with no arms ride a bicycle? He can't, he loses control and falls over, getting a few scrapes and bruises.

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Why did jack fall off a cliff? Coz the hill was on a cliff.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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