How do you make a clown stop laughing? Hit him in the face with an ax.

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roses are red violets are blue oranges are......

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An irish man walks into a bar. He drinks responsibly, and leaves shortly afterward.

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What do you call a blank white sheet of paper? Printer paper most likely

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A man walk into a bar he buys a few drinks. When he is done the bar tender gives him his check. Man told the bar tender he has no money to pay for it. Bartender says," ok how about this we have a horse in the back that hasn't laughed a day in his life if you can make him laugh you get the drinks for free." so man proceeds to do so. A few minutes later man comes out horse is dying. So the man gets his drink for free. A few days later man comes back with the same deal. So the bartender tells him" that horse hasn't stopped laughing since you went back there. If you can make him stop you get your drinks for free." Man goes in a few minutes later comes out horse is crying. Man man is remarked by how he did it but he doesn't question it. A few days past the man comes back an the horse is still crying...... So the bartender ask the man how he did..... Man says," first I told him I had a bigger dick then him....second time I proved it"

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Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

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How does Helen Keller play the piano? With one hand.. She needs the other hand to sing.

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whats brown and booky a book.

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So a blond, a brunette, a ninja, a pirate, a priest, a rabbi, a mathematician and an engineer all walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What, is this some kind of joke?"

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Did you know Helen Keller had a Playground in her back yard? Neither did she.

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A blind man walks into a bar. He backs up, takes two steps to the right, and walks around the bar rubbing his forehead.

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Incey-wincey Spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. But sadly, the spider had drowned. [L]

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if there is a circle of fat people and you throw a cookie in the middle of the circle. It will be the best game of hungry hungry hippos you will ever see.

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Why was Emily in Alaska? Because she and some friends had been playing Simon Says at a birthday party, and the dad had said 'Simon Says go to Alaska'.

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Q: what do you call a camel with a garbage bag on its head? A: A ziploc baggie

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? Lawyers exist, are alive and despite all claims to the contrary, can withstand sunlight, garlic and the sign of the cross. They also have reflections and whilst they may eat black pudding from time to time they don't depend on blood as a source of nutrition.

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How is an elephant like a grape? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

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What do you call someone like Sarah Palin? A tragic victim of America's flawed educational system. But hey! She learned one thing though! Russia is right in her own backyard! Oh wait that would be wrong unless her backyard stretched all the way across Alaska and the Bering Sea. So she didn't learn anything at all. OK she's just dumb

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Billy was curious if gasoline burns, so he decided to...... .... O crap I'm late for Billy's funeral.

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Why didn't Jeffrey become a butler? He did become a butler.

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what's white, sticky, and very fluffy? which can be sweet or bitter, depending on what the person ate. THATS RIGHT. it's CUM. :D

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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A man falls off a building and dies on Impact

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What is cold? Winter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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