What's worse than finding a hair in your sandwitch? Finding a dead baby in your salad!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

We are sorry for being so sorry, and apologize again for apologizing so much... Why wont you just let me apologize? Does this insult you? I apologize. HEY! STOP THAT! I SAID I WAS SORRY SORRY FOR BEING SORRY! FORGIVE ME PLEASE SORRY WHY ARE YOU DRAWING THAT KNIFE OUT OF THE... LISTEN I AM SORRY!!! From my book the boy that cried help too much: The help arrived and the boy was never seen again. TRIPLE POST TO SAY SORRY FOR DOUBLE POSTING! QUADRUPLE POST TO SAY SORRY FOR DOUBLE POSTING...ETC.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the man have no friends? He mudered and ate someone in '86 and is rotting in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call an awesome bucket? An epic pail.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why is Joel even here? Sexperience.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are red, Violets are red, Tulips are red, Dandelions are red, I lit your garden on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A Jew and a German meet by chance in a bar. They exchange pleasantries and order drinks. At the end of the evening they leave, having made a friend.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Burrinbar Smells like incest anal sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because my first shot missed.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was the woman making a sandwhich in the kitchen? She was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Someone else's cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I suck at online but have a high gamerscore

thumb_up thumb_down -42

That's Racist

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Math Problem: John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28 of them. What does he have now? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what is the biggest lie I have read and agree to the Terms of Service

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a chicken with the head of a shark? A genetic anomaly.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a man who has reached the highest level of prestige in all Call of Duty games? A Virgin

thumb_up thumb_down -1

how long does it take for a black woman to poop? depending on what she ate, about 5 to 10 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down +27

a man cries out to god.... and god does't reply.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

What did the black man say to the man from Kyrgyzstan? I've never heard of your country before.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

One day, a mother was speaking with her daughters. "Mommy," the first one said, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we brought you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second daughter said, "Why did you name me Rose?" ""Because when we brought you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMBWWAAAAGGGH!" the last daughter cried. She was born with severe special needs and is incapable of coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

yo mamas so fat whenever she wears a pink bathing suit people say "look at that fat lady wearing a pink bathing suit!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops