A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 20 years later he would gamble away his life savings and then go onto live a lonely and unfulfilled life.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What was Helen Keller's favorite activity? fingering herself...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why couldn't the tree grow? Because I cut it down with a chainsaw

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many black people does it take to change a light bulb? Zero, they already stole them all.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Two gay guys hosted a barbecue. The music and food was great. Everyone had a good time.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Determined.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did John break down in tears? Because he was molested as a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's worse than some one spitting in your food Hitler revealing he's actually a Jew

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did my car stop suddenly? I had arrived at my appropriate destination.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If a man has a gun, but no arms or legs, is he armed?

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why was six afraid of seven? Seven liked to eat numbers lower than itself.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? One. Unless she's particularly short, then she may need to get a friend, who may or may not be blonde, to help by holding the ladder.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what did the little boy say to his sibling? dat not funny!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What would Hellen Keller say to Obama? Nothing she can't speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Mommy how come daddy went to the doctors today? Well sweetie, honestly daddy wanted me to shove things up his ass And I refused to so he went to the doctors so they can do it...

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why is my son so unhappy? Because I beat his mother violently in front of him

thumb_up thumb_down -37

What animal has four legs and one hand? Happy rottweiler

thumb_up thumb_down +32

When is homework not homework? When it is turned into the teacher.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

The duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man who was running the stand, hey I cancer CC

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the elephant say to the poacher? Answer: Dear God in heaven, please don't kill me for my ivory.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did one duck say to the other? "Quack" Ducks don't talk. But if it were to say something it would probably mention how it is concerned about the fact that the majority of people on the internet don't know what ducks say to each other.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the chicken cross the road. He didn't, this joke gets old really fast

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a fly without wings? A rather unfortunate physical disability

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are Dead, Voilets are, too Now shut up and say nothing Because we're watching you

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops