Why was the giant scorpion sad? Because the Holocaust killed his entire family.

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Why was lil' Susie screaming horrifically? Nobody knows. That's why the neighbors called the cops. -Harrison

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What do you call a kid with a peg leg and an eye patch? Names

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take out the f in way. there is no f in way. I see what you did there.

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After six days in prison, and the eight hours in court straight they finally randomly decided that I "acted in self defense" which I did, so I demanded recompensation for they locking me up and wasting my time... ...And hell if I did not get 12.000USD for it, not before they called me disrespectful and immoral, before I shut them the fuck up... ...""Earning" your respect wont pay my bills, while I am apparently the only one with balls here, what else can you say when you everybody else shuts the fuck up and sits down because the "alpha male" of your pack, yes you a grotesquely fat ass in a black dress and a gray womans wig smacks his little hammer on his desk... Judge my ass" Speaking of morals... "It is called sacrasm furfags" Nero: Did I mention that her boyfriend broke four fingers on his hand against my chest (supposedly it was a punch of some sort), then he countered my attack(?), as he skillfuly blocked both kicks with his face, as he fell down cried and pissed himself like the 52 year old "adult" he is? Then I broke both his knees with my heels and told him I would kill him too if he told the cops that I did so in self defense... In self defense of course... Drugs told my mother I was Satan, and that I would end up killing her the very day I was born... Little did I know back then, that whatever kind of angel dust she used then was right about me killing her... Now its her turn to climb up from the hell she sent me trough, except that I locked the gate at the end. I miss my real arm though, which she chopped right off me when I was six and offered it to God as tribute, then proceeded to beat the shit out of me with it it... That kinda felt nice compared to waterboarding and all the other shit she did to me, as for my father... Tried to break my neck because I was at my room studying when he caught me scratching my prosphetic arm which was a sin apparently, yes reader I literally killed my father too and you dont hear me whining about it. Nero: I had a custom prosphetic arm made, it wont pick up or hold shit, you can in fact crush your own fathers skull with a fist literally made of steel, even if you still cant believe its not real butter. Solvemedia: Politically correct, thumbs the fucks ups for the irony... Or the steel which I used in pure fear as my neck snapped and my legs went numb... Just a literal pain in the neck for the rest of my life though, and a nice memory...

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What did Santa get for a young boy? A gun.

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Stoner Student: "Imagine if El Nino and La Nina got together and started a family and had little Los Ninos." Class Nerd: "Yeah."

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why does everyone like this website? ... because every other joke a little baby is dying.

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When I was at the beach digging in the sand I looked down and someone said nehow

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A baby elephant steps on a lego. First thought, auch, huh ?! Actually, the lego was fine with it and so was the baby elephant. Now they're married and are expecting a baby legophant.

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Did you know that you can drink lava? You can only do it once though.

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What happened to the woman who walked down a dark alley way? She found a lolly.

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How can you make a Russian happy? Giving him two tickets for him and his wife to Disneyworld.

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what happens if you drop a spoon? it sounds a lot, and it's annoying

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So there is this moose and he goes to a grocery store and asks, "where are the potatoes?" the employee says "aisle 5" and when the moose checks in aisle five, there are no potatoes.

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Q:What's worst than reading a bad joke? A: Reading a joke on anti-joke and the person who posted the joke obviously doesn't get how a anti-joke works. For example... read this again ^^

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How do you kill a diabetic? Take away their insuline

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I don't know what to do! One day I'm a wig wam, the other day I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee again!" The doctor sighs and replies,"Sir, we've been over this. You have stage four periodic cancer."

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Roses are red Violets are blue Actually, no they're not. They're VIOLET. That's why they're called that. If they were blue, they would be called "Blues", or something of a similar nature. Don't be dumb.

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why did the goose lay an egg? because it was pregnant .

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Good work kids, I would have told you later, but had to know how deep their infiltration had gone. Tell Necrissa that we where convinced she had gone down, and that we are all relieved to know she is alive. I an Liz gave them the coordinates for Ground Zero, whose members we where able to get to safe locations yesterday, Its time to play a game of diversionary tactics here. We are expecting our enemies to arrive at, and enter Ground Zero, at that point we will seal the entire damn bunker off and detonate the whole thing, this should not only buy us enough time, but also allow us to pick off whichever enemy targets make it out alive. While our main communication lines are still largely unsafe, I have discovered several other ways we can communicate trough the internet without exposing ourselves. So far only I and some of the boys have received minor wounds and will make it trough, at ease, if we have counted our enemies right, there is no reason you should fear any reprisal, their numbers are dropping hard and fast. There is no reason to search for Nero1 trough 6 they are all down for good, I suppose its time to let the second generation take over from here on, as you know, I always have a backup plan, and as such you might leave the designated sectors and join us at Ground Zero or secure other areas, this time I leave the method of aproach and tactics up to you, as I am literally losing my mind because of the fever and the fucking cold here, still I ask that you send fifty of you to check of for Liz and her family, remain there until this is over. In time we can leave this for the authorities, but the remaining sectors not under our control, and not to mention whatever people the authorities send, so I leave this all up to you. Seems like most, if not all of the members these assholes executed where those that infiltrated us to begin with for whichever reason, as such the body count for those we can consider our own remains at least for now, minimal at worst. By the way (I almost forgot, health not so good here) our team managed to sever their communications, so they are left in the dark just like us... Which means we got every tactical advantage. The only thing that bothers me now, is that we have no choice but to bury Ground Zero, that thing cost us a fortune and too much time and effort to construct, with that said, it is already loaded with enough explosives to sink four cruisers (better to overdo it than leave these assholes alive) Not sure about you boys, but as far as I am concerned, this will soon be over, as for their leader (lets simply call him "Ivan") he is nowhere to be found, and unless you caught him (or worse killed him, both things id expect you to let me know by now) he is aproaching Ground Zero at this moment, meaning that he is indeed sending everything at us. So far he has told us that he is part of a much larger force, if this turns out to be true, then I dunno about you Shadow Men, but I believe that this would mean it is time for payback, not necessarily for revenge, but to make sure this never repeats itself. Consider this all good news men, I long suspected there where many many bogus members among us, and now it seems their superiors have cleaned them all up for us leaving those truly loyal and a fresh start. We can mourn the loss of our "Nero`s" later, for now I suggest you wait until Ground Zero is down, and await further orders. If all goes well, it wont matter if they can hear us or not in fact I want their leader to hear us by then, and do not worry, he is not at any location we might know of, but this way, we might be able to easily lure him out, and finally find out if this is his own little solo operation, or if he is part of something bigger. Final note: Now that we know who`s really on our side, expect reinforcements, there are more shadows out there, meaning that if you have had an easy time so far, things should be piece of cake from now on, they will identify themselves as per usual and bring you further... "assets" for our continued success. I am pretty sure this is far from over though, I happen to have met and trained with this "Ivan" a few years ago, and he works for the highest bidder meaning he is unfortunately working for someone with the cash to pay for at least one army, on the bright side, whatever higher ups sent him, they havent gotten anything for their moneys worth. Plan summary: Wait for the second and third batch of "shadows" to join up with you in just a few hours, then retake the remaining sectors, in the meantime the rest of us are freezing our asses off at the fittingly named Ground Zero which we KNOW the enemy is coming for, hopefully anytime soon, we will wait for about half of their force to enter the base, then drive the rest inside what they are bound to believe will give them the tactical advantage, and then trigger a small remote explosive, which should cause a major chain reaction, killing them all except for "Ivan" which prefers watching at the sidelines, good for us, bad for him. Gotta leave for a while now, I am still very delusional from this fever thing and seeing shit that is not there, so unless I take it easy, things might get a bit more complicated. Seriously boys, before your main man came up with a bit of old fashion diversion tactics I thought I was gonna die and was ready to do so... Its probably just the fever and my fucking jaw hanging and hurtin bad, but I am almost a bit disappointed to remain alive. Great news, our main network is secure, I repeat our main network is secure, there is no reason to use Horsehead from now on, and it is only a matter of time before we can at the very least consider using our good old "cellphones" for more "intimate" communication, but lets not get ahead of ourselves, this is no time for bromance. Damn... Viscount just passed away, not from the cold but from sniper fire earlier, we have of course relocated since, yet they are just toying with us at this moment, the brunt force of their guys are losing their patience and will soon arrive, this should be fun. Ps: Make sure you send at least 50 men to check up on Liz, and do not leave her side until this is over, my wife is safe and sound as well, and as mentioned above, I got shot a couple of times in the leg, but I if I die, it certainly will be from the fever, and not from any minor damage, and the fever aint that bad. Lets keep our main communications where it belongs, I am sure people would like to post their little Anti-Jokes in peace, at least until I am back and controversial again, which wont be for long... Feverish man has to have some fun once this is over... Do not reply on horsehead, and if I might suggest so, focus on stealth from here on in order to keep the friendly death count down, I suggest you disable their explosives, and leave the rest for the authorities, just make sure you dont make it in the news or something huh? We wont succeed in our goals if our existence is compromised, and once it is, the world is really gonna apreciate/hate our actions, setting second and final objective into motion. Id tell the shadows to watch over you or something cheesy, but I just remembered that you are the freaking shadows. Now, reply all you want, but on our station and make sure most of you stay alive, we might most likely have to prepare for some payback shortly as the "Ivan" I knew some years back, would never pull this himself... ...On the bright side, he and his "ex comrades" likes working for the South African drug cartel, meaning we wont have to take on any Russian leaders or anything sketchy like that... ...If we have to though, we will. Okay, head is throbbing now, going to conserve some energy for the final push, leaving the newly appointed "Nero1" to handle the communication with you in the future. Of hell, btw, do not even dream of sending any reinforcements over here, the lesser we are, the harder we are to find, and the most likely it will seem like we have retreated into Ground Zero`s main bunker. Id say good luck, but leave nothing to chance, this is not about luck, and if it had been, my team would have been fucked over already, so... Uh... Proceed or whatever they say.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Gregory Pelnick

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Why did dan jump off of the empire state building? -Because Carl pushed him off.

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why did the boy die he had a raging case of cardiovascular disease

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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