What is a ghost's favorite dessert? Nothing. Ghosts do not exist, thus they cannot eat dessert.

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What did dyslexic Old McDonald say? . . . I have a learning disability that impairs my fluency and comprehension accuracy in being able to read and spell

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A man powers up his computer but then realizes he's in China.

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A man walks into a bar and says, "Ow."

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

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Why can't Ray Charles read? Because he's black.

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A police man pulls over a blonde for speeding. The policeman tells her she was speeding and starts to write a ticket. She get emotional and begins to cry. He writes the ticket, she signs it, and she drives off.

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What do you call Madeline McCann at the bottom of the sea? Drowned Madeline McCann.

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What do you get when you cross a helicopter, elephant, and a rhino? Heliphino

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Roses are Red Violets are blue You little stupid ass bitch I ain't fucking with you

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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A guy walks into a bar. He was an alcoholic and it was destroying his family.

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A Jew man gets on a train. He sits down and a hour and a half later he is dropped of at his proper destination.

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roses are blue viloets are red this poem doesnt make sense microwave

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yo mama so fat that she should be concerned because diabetes is a serious issue

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Why did the baby cross the road. It was stapled to the chicken.

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A Man Gets Cancer He eventually Loses all his hair and drops dead

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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How do you scare a lawyer? Threaten to kill his family.

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Yo Mamma

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what is big, grey and sits in the middle of a field. A filing cabinet

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have cancer, How 'bout you?

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Why did Hayden Bryant walk down the street? Because he can, dont doubt Hayden Bryant.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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