A duck sits down at a bar and orders a drink. After he finishes, he gets up to leave, when the bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but you didn't pay for your drink." The duck turned around and said, "I'm sorry, I forgot." So he paid the bartender for the drink and left him a nice tip, and left the bar in a good mood.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Pfft. Stupid. Apples are for healthy people. Go for the ice cream. There's no worms in that.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did Tiger look in the toilet? It doesn't matter, he didn't find anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the shark eat the girl? Because she was ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What is your name, sir? My name is not Sir, my name is Jeff.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Knock Knock Who's There Al Qaeda

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you survive the zombie apocolypse? You avoid dieing or being mutated in the living dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why did the plane crash because the pilot was a tomato

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do a priest, a rabbi, and an asian have in common? They all don't know each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: What did the bulbasaur say to the charmanderr?? A: bulbasaurrr

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was the man's foot hot? Because it was stuck in a toaster.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a registered six affender.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A rapist walks into a bar He orders a drink He wakes up the next morning naked on a hot chick He leaves not realizing that he is nude and is promptly escorted by the police to jail

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Jimmy's mom: Jimmy go do your chores now!! Jimmy: You shut your mouth, whore. Get your smelly ass back in the kitchen!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

My friend Edward found a worm in his apple. Edward happened to be a lemur. Lemurs eat both plants and worms, so he ate them both.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How does santa deliver presents? He doesn't, because he's not real!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Did you hear about the guy who fed his dog his baby? No Oh

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. Up Jack got, and home did trot, as fast as he could caper, to old Dame Dob, who proceeded to get Jill convicted of attempted murder, as well as several millions of dollars for pain and suffering.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? My cheese

thumb_up thumb_down +3

wat do u call a person who is ugly ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why didn't Johnny walk to school this week? He was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is invisible and smells like rabbits? Bunny farts.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops