roses are red violets are blue get out of my face before i kill you

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Roses are red Zombies are hungry and blue My brain is half-eaten And what about you?

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Why was the girl-scout crying? I hit her in the knee with a baseball bat.

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A horse walks into a bar. The Bartender says "Why the long face?" The Bartender is then put into a lunatic asylum for hallucinating and trying to communicate with said hallucinations.

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3 women are on a plane. One blonde, one brunnete, and the other a red head. The pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. The 3 women find out that there is only one parachute in the plane. The plane crashes and they all die.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going down a mountain? A: As good as dead.

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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Why can't Hellen keller drive? Because she's a woman.

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Your momma is so fat that she is a plus size model and gets paid very well for modeling. Good for her.

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What's worse than 10 babies in a trashcan? One baby in 10 trashcans.

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Why did the dog chase the cat. Cause he was fking hungry

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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Why did the mouse cross the road? Because he had been attached to the chicken with a nail gun.

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Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar. It's also a bistro, and they have a lovely lunch together.

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Your mother is so fat, that she was instructed by her doctor to go on a low carbohydrate, high protein diet to reduce the risk of heart disease later in life.

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A blonde asks, "How come i cant get this to go in there?" However no one replies because no one is there.

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An old asian woman is driving down the freeway a drunk driver merges into her lane. Everyone is ok because she keeps a safe distance behind.

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What's black and hangs from a tree? A tire swing.

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Hey, the eighties called, they were really excited about inventing a phone that could call the future.

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I told my two lesbian friends I wanted to join them. I am a priest in a Gay Marriage friendly state and they are happily married.

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Is your refrigerator running? I hope so, or else the food will go bad!

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SHUT UP JP

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Yo mama so stupid, she signed an apointment with Dr. Pepper

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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