An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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Your mother is so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and eat foods with nutritional value.

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Miranda Cosgrove's singing career. ......Thats it. Thats the joke.

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A fish walks into a bad Fish dont walk

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a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z i left out p.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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a child swallows a cleaning product, why is he given chocolate milk? to make him happy before he dies

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how many boys does it take to use 4 computers? 4.

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Wanna here a joke? Canadians.

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-Why did the man sue the train driver after he witnessed his friends death? -Because he was owed a duty of care.

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Thank you for helping to save the animals. You may send your donation as a check to "Anti-Joke" at 555 Main Street, Anytown, CA.

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Johnny is walking around school when he sees a kid crying. He asked the kid what he was crying about and the kid said " I was trying to talk to a girl"

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What is black at the bottom, and white at the top? Society.

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Is it possible to mix an answer to a question with another? No. Aids are perfect for fear training.

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A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin. You already told her twice.

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What did the man tell his parents after having sex with another man? A. I am gay.

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Why did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga? A: You murder her friends and family.

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Why was George Washington buried in Virginia? Because he was dead.

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How do you keep a black man out of your back yard? Tell him to go away.

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What's brown and sticky? The faeces of a glue stick.

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An Asian man and an Irish man are standing at the bus stop, chatting casually, while waiting for the bus to arrive. The Irish man then turns to the Asian and says, "Despite our blatant differences in both race and culture, perhaps someday when we are both available, we can meet and talk civilly about our everyday lives over a cup of coffee."

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How do you circumcise a cat? Shoot an orphan in the leg with a rail gun.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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