A sad guy walks in to a bar and the bartender asks, what's the matter? The guy responds, I just found out i'm deaf

thumb_up thumb_down -15

NO! I'm putting it in my front room, you sick bastard!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I wont say I got much money, but neither do I need it, just be honest to me, because if you lie, every advice I give you, could cost you or me everything, our lives, our families... Collateral damage is a term used very often and lightly ever since 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a man with no arms? Disabled... some people can be so cruel.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Your momma is so fat that she could benefit from loosing a couple of pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Did you hear the one about the pizza and the salamander? Neither did I.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the policeman say to the black thief? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning, if you wish. If you decide to answer any questions now, without an attorney present, you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions without an attorney present.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

My mother-in-law is so fat that I sometimes worry my wife will look just like her after she gives birth.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than a duck with one leg? A nuclear explosion

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's worse then 10 dead babies in 1 tree? 1 dead baby in 10 trees...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

69

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What happens when you turn 70? You have to go into your settings and make the text in your phone larger just so you can read it. What happens when you turn 71? You still have to go into your settings and make the text in your phone larger just so you can read it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Yo momma so fat her pancreas doesn't work anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

You are walking down the street. You see 3 black people and you don't talk to them because they are complete strangers.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I once went to a chiropractor. She was so awful looking. You know those weird spiky fish with the lightbulb hanging off it's head? .....I saw one in a documentary once.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? A: "E"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

James: They say attitudes are contagious. Bill: How do you know? James: My whole family caught it and they will all die within 2 weeks.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did Michael Jackson become white? Because he likes to molest children.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a banana? A banana.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Hey I just met you, And this is crazy, I've got dementia, Hey I just met you.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

knock,knock whos there? teddybear. teddybear who? a teddybear killed your family.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

If Barbie is so popular...why do you have to buy her friends?

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops