How did the child cross the road? He couldn't his legs had been lost in an awful car accident that had killed his whole family.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A man is getting bored of his regular life-routine and decides to make a change. He thinks long and hard about what change he should make and after much deliberation he resolves to buy himself a pet camel. After all, some of his more fashionable friends have done this and it seems to make them very happy indeed and attracts to them a lot of attention, which they relish. He pops down to the local pet store and asks the owner "Do you have any camels?". To which the pet store owner replies "Yes of course! They're very popular at the moment and I have a selection out back in the stables. Come and take your pick!" So after inspecting the selection of available camels, the man pays the shopkeeper for the camel and a camel-leash and makes his way home, walking down the street and around the woods that separate the pet shop from his house. The camel is very well behaved and always walks at heel. The man is very happy with his purchase and starts thinking that this was definitely the best decision he could have made to improve his life. That night, the man tucks the camel up in it's straw bed in a makeshift shelter in the back garden, kisses it on the nose and says good night. The next morning, after an excellent nights sleep, he bounds downstairs, eager to have more fun with his camel. He throws open the doors of the shelter, grinning and excitable. But to his horror, he finds that the camel is dead. With no legs! Someone must have sneaked in during the night and killed his camel and taken its legs! The man is inconsolable. He cries and cries, and eventually he summons the energy to lay his camel to rest in a grave at the end of the garden, digging it plenty deep enough and saying a few private words in memory of his dearly loved, departed camel. After this he realises that he wants to try again to have his own camel, and this time he will keep his camel safe and even more comfortable. He will even take the time to give this second camel a name. So he walks to the pet shop, around the woods and down the street and goes to speak to the owner. “I just don’t understand”, says the man. “My camel meant the world to me and someone came along and killed it during the night…. and they took it’s legs.” “Disgusting,” replies the shopkeeper as he saddles up the second camel and exchanges money with the man. Anyway, he takes his camel home, walking down the street and around the woods, promising himself that he will do a better job of protecting it. He calls his brother who comes over from the next town to help him build a strong stables for the new camel and they install a security camera for extra safety. At night, the man kisses his camel on the nose, tucks it in to its hay bed, closes and locks the door, and heads to bed. Feeling warm and safe in the knowledge that this camel is safe and sound in its new home. He decides on a name. “Greg”, he mutters to himself as he falls asleep, “yes, Greg”. The next morning, as he bounds downstairs, calling out Greg’s name, he sees that the security camera is loose and hanging from the wall… He approaches the stable cautiously, with a baseball bat held ready to attack any intruders. What he sees horrifies him. His camel is Dead! Again! And with no legs! “What, oh what is going on?” he mutters to himself in a state of shock and confusion. He cries for a few hours, and buries the remains of the camel in the back garden. “OK,” he thinks to himself. “One more go, and if this doesn’t work, I’ll never buy a camel again!”. So he sets out for the pet shop. This time taking a shortcut through the woods, as it is a nice day and he could do with cheering up. As he passes through the deepest part of the woods he comes across an old mansion house that he has never noticed before… He reflects for a second, and wonders whether he should go and ask them if they’ve been having similar troubles with their camels. He decides there would be no harm in doing so, so he walks up their ivy-covered driveway towards the front door and when he gets there he knocks. *Rat-a-tat-tat* The heavy door squeaks and opens a touch. “Strange..” he thinks. He pushes harder and swings the door to be fully open. As he does so, the sunlight is allowed to shine in on the dark interior, it looks like a carnival haunted house, with cobwebs on candlesticks and dust everywhere. As the light cascades in, filling the room, and as his eyes adjust he sees a man, old and dishevelled, standing in the middle of the room, still as a statue, surrounded, from wall to wall, by camel legs hanging from the walls. Our man gasps and struggles not to vomit with disgust. He looks at the old man accusingly and in a shaky voiced murmur, he half whispers the words, “Have YOU been stealing my camel legs?” To which the man replies, “No.”

thumb_up thumb_down +41

how do u make an infant cry? hit it in the face with a full grown salmon.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

There once was a genie With a sevenfoot weenie And he went to the lady next door She thought it was a snake So she hit it with a rake And then he murdered the shit out of her.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Whats worse than having a worm in your apple? Having one in your intestins.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why is Kim Jong Un so fat? Because he takes all the food in the country and sends his own people to live in concentration camps!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock. Knock. Whos there? Not Sarah.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says "get out you jew!" The bar tender apparently was a Nazi.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Why did the man Jump of a bridge? Because he got sick of his life and he wanted to die.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Where did the kittens go on their class filed trip? Nowhere, animals are not permitted to enter a museum unless they are eye seeing dogs helping a person who lacks vision.

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red Violets are blue Im tired Cheese on toast

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Want to hear a joke? Me neither.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? Well, contrary to popular belief, it is NOT Master Pain's (Betty's) "butt". You would most likely get a bungee jumping owl.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what did the purple horse say to the goat? horses don't talk....

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did Dom move to Wales? Because he is poor!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was Stephanie sad? She dropped a washing machine on her toe

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's black and has been free since the 1700's? What? I don't know, i was asking you.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the weird alien jump everywhere? You probably don't want to know. If you learned why it jumped everywhere,you probably would make fun of it. I don't know if you know this, but aliens are sensitive. If you made fun of him, you probably would create World War 3:Humans VS Aliens.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats brown, sweet, and bad for your teeth? A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you escape a vicious tiger? You cleverly create a distraction so the tiger's focus is not on you. Then, you quickly run away because the tiger doesn't know you are leaving.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

why was the little boy brutally murdered? there was a serial killer in his town.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did red say to yellow? Move over orange is coming now.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

If Jimmy has 50 pieces of candy and eats 40 of them, what does he have now? Jimmy has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the homosexual find when he proceeded to his mailbox? His mail.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops