How do you get a woman out of a car? You drive it into a river and her body will float to the top.

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How many trees does it take to screw in a light bulb? Trees are incapable of screwing light bulbs

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What did Hitler say to the lady right next to him before the both committed suicide? I don't know, I don't understand German. I also wasn't there.

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought is was yours.

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Why didnt the boy go to school the next day? Because he killed himself due to bullying

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What's going to happen you? Your going to die just like everyone else in the world. Don't laugh, it's not funny

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage?

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Female Orgasms

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Q: What did the serial rapist say to his best friend? A: You're a good friend

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Why was David enjoying his cream of mushroom soup? Because David had spent the last 17 days eating flouescent light fix-ins.

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What did the man say before he died? I am going to die.

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What did the penis say to the vagina? Nothing, genitalia can't speak.

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Why did sally fall of the swing? She had no arms or legs Knock knock who's there? Not sally

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Two small boys are walking in a schoolyard. One of the boys sits down under a tree looking distraught. The other asks him "Well whats the matter Eddy?" "Every time I walk to my bus-stop in the morning, Jimmy Krugan, pushes me down and takes my money. " The first boy thinks for sec.. "Well here's what you do Ed; go to your Dad's shed and grab a 2X4, paint it bright blue. In the morning, walk to school with it under your jacket and when Jimmy starts in on you give him a good wallop. He wont be bothering you anymore." The following day the boys are in the yard again. Eddy is seen under the tree seeming just as distraught. Confused, the boy asks him.. "Well Ed, did you do what I told you?" "No."

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how do you make sure someone is dead shoot them

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Who could be happier than a kid at a candyshop? A necrophiliac in a morgue

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A sad horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse answers "My wife was just diagnosed with terminal cancer."

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Knock knock. Who's there? Louis. Louis? Go away!!! Your jokes are so bad! Geez, you guys really don't like me. GET OUT!!! (Door slams; Louis shuffles away with a sad look on his face) -Louis

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whats worse than 911 nothing you cant beat 911that sucked

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A man walks into a bar, and says to the bartender, "Do you know where the library is located?" The bartender describes to him that the closest library is three blocks down, next to the red brick building with a green roof.

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Roses are Red Violets are plucked So are my nose-hairs Pretty disgusting

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What do you say to a black man with a gun? Don't shoot me.

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What's the difference between a jew and pizza? A Jew is human and pizza is food.

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So a ninja walks into a bar and he sees a cowboy and the ninja says i will kill you with my mad ninja skills and the cowboy says who needs mad ninja skills when you got a gun

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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