why did the man come out of the closet? because the dark scares him and it smelled like moth balls

thumb_up thumb_down +26

why did the man slip on the knife? he wanted to commit suicide

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Whats the difference between a black man and a white man? Their skin color

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you kill something thats already dead? You don't. It's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the difference between a Jew and an apple? One of them is a fruit, and the other is not.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

ROTFL = Reaching out to fellow lossers

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did the cow die because she ate poisoned apple pie

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Greg told a joke. It wasnt funny...

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's better then 100 dead babies in a barrel 1 dead baby in 100 barrels

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why are there so many jokes about germans on Anti-Joke? Because the Germans epitomize the flavour of anti-jokes perfectly and they have the whole nazi history thing going on which is ripe ground for many an anti-joke

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's worse than a baby nailed to a tree? Ten babies nailed to a tree. What's worse than ten babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

how many weasels does it take to change a lightbulb 0 weasels are animals and therefore are not capable of changing lightbulbs

thumb_up thumb_down -1

wanna hear a joke? yes

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock whose there your parents your parents who your parents just got malled by a hobo with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mountainous mound of slain human offspring? There is none, the second is conferred to the subject of a conversation using a highly advanced vernacular.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you do when you find a blonde on her knees? Help her up, because obviously she has fallen.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: Why was 2 afraid of 3? A: Cause 3 4 5!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Lightening never strikes the same place twice. But it killed both my parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

a man walks into a bar, his alcoholism is slowly destroying his family

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock Knock Who's there? Jimmy Tyler, your son Hi son *continues to open door

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A: If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test? B: A test can be many things: 1. A procedure for critical evaluation; a means of determining the presence, quality, or truth of something; a trial: a test of one's eyesight; subjecting a hypothesis to a test; a test of an athlete's endurance. 2. A series of questions, problems, or physical responses designed to determine knowledge, intelligence, or ability. 3. A basis for evaluation or judgment: "A test of democratic government is how Congress and the president work together" (Haynes Johnson). 4. Chemistry a. A physical or chemical change by which a substance may be detected or its properties ascertained. b. A reagent used to cause or promote such a change. c. A positive result obtained. 5. A cupel. A: Oh.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why couldn't Roger become an astronaut? Because Roger's a toaster.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops