How do you choke a lawyer? You squeeze his neck until he stops breathing.

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Camerons hair is Curly..

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Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Um no horses are overrated.

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What do you get when a bulldog and shitzu reproduce? A litter of extremely cute puppies.

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Q - Why did the baby spit out his dummy? A - Because i stabbed him.

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a dog walks into a bar....it sees the horse and starts barking which ever dentally startles and confuses the horse resulting in tables and chairs being knocked over .

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Q: What's better than the Call Me Maybe video? A: A shot-for-shot parody of it featuring a GIMP! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFxnAITCv5o

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One day there was 3 bears, a papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. They were out swimming when suddenly a girl comes over to their house and tries to sit down. She sits on the big chair and says "too big", then she sits on the little chair and says "too small" and then sits on the medium chair and says "just right". Suddenly, the bears come back. Papa bear: "somebody has been sitting on my chair!" Baby bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair too!" Mama bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair, and she still here!" The girl says "Hi my name is Goldilocks." After about few minutes introducing each other, they ate dinner and they all had a great time.

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Whats more fun that a hooker - her mother

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why did the baby die? It was born with cancer

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Why did the boy cross the road? He was visiting his dying grandmother at the hospital.

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What do you call A potato who is covered in red refrigerators and is known as a potato. Fallafal

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whats good about poland... fukk all

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What time does lunch usually begin on the other side of the world. Noon.

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What was the sadest part about the four blacks who drove off a cliff in a cadilac? -The car sat five

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Knock Knock Who's there? Yes.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Person 1: What did the woman say when - Person 2: I know! It doesnt matter, shes a woman

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Why couldn't little Johnny play sports like the rest of the kids? He was diagnosed with polio at the age of 3 and has limited use of his legs.

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What did the blonde waitress say to the man with a curly moustache? Good evening, are you ready to order?; yes [x2]; and what would you like with it?; certanly; there you go; no, I'm sorry; right.

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You know it's sunny outside when you go outside and its sunny

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Who is the most famous black person? Michael Jackson, except he's not black.

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Why didn't Joe catch the baseball? He got shot by a local gang.

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What's the easiest way to make new friends? With Play-Doh.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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