What do you get if you have 59 apples in your right hand and 74 pints of ice cream in your right? Large hands.

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What do you call a fish with 6 legs? A fish with 6 legs.

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Why cant Stevie Wonder read? Because he is blind

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a child swallows a cleaning product, why is he given chocolate milk? to make him happy before he dies

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Oh, right

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A narwhall walks into a store and asks the cashier where he keeps the soap products. The cashier does not speak english.

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su algato es en fuego

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Knock-knock jokes with sjws: Knock knock! Who's there? A transgender! A transgender who? WOW. It's 2016, people. If you can't recognize a transgender, you're a disgusting piece of cis white male scum! OH! OHH! "I'm sorry lady"? Do I LOOK like a lady to you? I'm a- no- sir- stop interrupting me. SIR! I identify as a gender fluid demisexual! "What does that matter?" Oh my god. Well it wouldn't matter if I identified as a goddamn piece of salami to you would it??? Huh? I'm confusing you? WOW! What a priveleged- oh! So I'M being rude? OKAY! FINE! I'm recording this you know. You're going ALL over the Internet. Oh yes you are! No, hey, my privilege cam! You just took it this is rape! You are assaulting me! Don't just shove it back into my hands like that! I call patriarchy! Oh no, I'm not done with you! Don't you close that door you Goddamn piece of sh- *slam*

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Please don't shoot me

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Why did suzie fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms. Why didn't she get back on the swing? cause she had no legs. Why didn't anyone help her up? Cause she had no friends. Why did she stay their all night? cause she had no family.

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Smoke Day, Every Weed.

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If one train is heading North at 60 mph, na danother train is heading South at 45 mph, how many waffles are on the roof? The answer is purple, because aliens like coffee.

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If E = cos[(6x+8) + 5x!] + tan(90-X)^2, and x = 137/43, what is E? The fifth letter of the alphabet.

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ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS 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ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS ADVENTURE TIME ROCKS MAD SUCKS A

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On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . Windows 95 for my PC On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 3 ports not responding 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 4 sectors bad 3 ports not responding 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 5 eighty six 4 sectors bad 3 ports not responding 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 6 ints conflictin' 5 eighty six 4 sectors bad 3 ports not responding 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 7 files missin' 6 ints conflictin' 5 eighty six 4 sectors bad 3 ports not responding 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 8 Megs overflowin' 7 files missin' 6 ints conflictin' 5 eighty six 4 sectors bad 3 ports not responding 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 9 apps a crashin' 8 megs overflowin' 7 files missin' 6 ints conflictin' 5 eighty six 4 sectors bad 3 ports not responding 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 10 modes not supported 9 apps a crashin' 8 Megs overflowin' 7 files missin' 6 ints conflictin' 5 eighty six 4 sectors bad 3 ports not responding 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 11 instructions faulty 10 modes not supported 9 apps a crashin' 8 Megs overflowin' 7 files missin' 6 ints conflictin' 5 eighty six 4 sectors bad 3 ports not responding 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 12 illegal operations 11 instructions faulty 10 modes not supported 9 apps a crashin' 8 Megs overflowin' 7 files missin' 6 ints conflictin' 5 eighty six 4 sectors bad 3 ports not responding 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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Who's Juan? DIS ONE

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Ask me if I'm a rock. Are you a rock? No.

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John Cena for president

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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60+8.99999999=68.99999999 soo close

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When life gives you lemons, go sell them for crack.

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What is worse that a bee sting? 2 bee stings what is worse that 2 bee sting? Kony what is wose than Kony? 3 bee stings what is worse than 3 bee sting? being allergic to bee stings

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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