- Anti Joke

If you were a booger..................... I would get a tissue so i could blow my nose.

How do you turn a piece of meat into a vegetable Break her neck

I have read and agree to the Terms of Service

Vagina cream... end of story

I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

Wanna hear a clean joke? I took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is the girl next door.

Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

I walked into an elevator with Ray Rice...

What did the Dinosaur say to the other dinosaur when he saw a huge meteor? Oh hey look a meteor.

What's black and White and black and White? A nun falling down a stairs

what did the monitor say to the boy? Im a Monitor

How do you kill a black man There is many ways

Why did the black man go to the store with a gun? He recently bought it a couple days before to go hunting, but it wasn't working correctly.

whats ironic about a white van being white the driver usualy is not

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

what's the difference between rice and an asian? one is a food.

Your mom is so...wonderful.

q. what did the fat guy get from burger king a. heart disease

So you're floating down a river on a two story canoe. How many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? Four because snakes have no legs.

Hey Eliz, just a final thought, if and when I die (hey I am your step dad after all, dont forget I am four years older than you now! So ill die first anyway, hopefully) Promise me that you will call me on the phone and either yell SNAKE ANSWER ME SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! Or BOSS ANSWER ME BOOOOOOOOOOSS! Never mind, I never liked videogames ironically, but hey, its funny, Suddenly this Boss guy shows up, and I feel like I have something in common with someone! A game character anyway, and its a fucking boring game too, just sneaking around, then you got to well pay people to build shit and I shut it off by then... ...Finally the nurses are here... Those guys again, hey guys, I cant speak nor remember what button to press to delete shit, but I heard bogosexuals with an h, dont get the message, you see the man with broken fingers there, go get me female nurses or... They sleeping? And not with me? Okay guys, get me out of here, I am humiliating myself in front of my uh... Frienddaughtersisterthing as for the rest of you fucks, has it ever seemed like I have ever cared about your inferior opinions above my superhuma... I am drun or something huh guys? 60 MG valium? You fucking murderers! Well will that other dru.. Fine then... Nero The End? Seriously flaggots! I cant stop typing, just get me out of this... Wheelchair? When did that happen? Well roll me out then! And please you know, fill that code thing and the terms and all that.

What does a bug do in a telephone booth? Eats yogurt.

You: I have a question Person: Yes You: Do you have an answer?

jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

A wild bear walks into a bar, grabs a drink and looks at the man next to it. The man then wakes up from a dream and gets ready for work.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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