Last night I had consensual sex with my long term girlfriend in the missionary position. It lasted approximately 4 minutes before I ejaculated into the durex extra safe condom.

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I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I was raped by a giant scorpion...

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HEY.... HEY YOU..... YEA YOU! IM TALKING TO YOU!!! yolo

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What would Walt Disney do if he were alive today? Gurgle and choke inside his cryogenic vault as liquid nitrogen flooded into his lungs.

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Why did the man ask his wife to make him a sandwich? He lost both of his arms in the war.

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what does a deer and grass have in common? they are both green but i lied about the deer

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Whats worse than Justin Bieber's love life. My ass crack.

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What's the worst way to say you want to break up? Kill her dog.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? My cheese

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Knock-Knock Who's there? The The Who? The Beatles!

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What is the biggest fictional book ever made? Either the Bible, or the Dictionary.

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How do you poop without it splashing? clench clench, release, clench clench, release, clench, release, clench, release.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water? Drowning

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A rapist walks into a bar He orders a drink He wakes up the next morning naked on a hot chick He leaves not realizing that he is nude and is promptly escorted by the police to jail

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Why did little Suzy fall of the Swing? Someone threw a fridge at her.

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why did the mans hair start to get shorter the barber was shaving it!

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What about the cool kids down the block. Their friend just died with a serious health condition.

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A gay man takes another gay man home after a wild night at the city's top club. They choose to be safe and not have gay sex.

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What's black, white and red all over and can't turn around in a corridor? A nun with a spear through her

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs falling skydiving? Jon, because that's his name.

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What is brown and sticky? The substance used to line your stomach when getting your stomach pumped.

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A man goes to his doctor and asks: ""What is wrong with me doc? One moment I think I am a teepee, the next moment I a, a wigwam." To which the doctor responds: "I have told you several times sir; you have stage IV pancreatic cancer."

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Reverse psychology never fails.

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lyren is a big meanyhead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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