What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? You aren't married to a girlfriend.

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What's black, white and red all over? A race war

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Wow, so today is 9/11? Yes.

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How many midgets does it take to change a light bulb? If you do the math, it's probably one.

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''Hey, this is absolutely true. There's an organization now called 'Draft Dick Cheney for President, 2012.' Yeah. Good luck with that. They tried to draft Dick Cheney five times during Vietnam. That didn't work.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? A vet.

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My three children are three big mistakes.

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You know what really chaps my ass? Thongs.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new girlfriend? Neither has he.

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what smells like red paint, but tastes blue? my heroine OD panflets

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What did the blind man say to his wife? -would you mind helping me upstairs, for I cannot see.

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Your dad got tired while running, so he stopped running.

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There was an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. Now there's millions of them. And women too.

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A Jew, black person, and Mexican jump out of a plane, which one falls first? Who cares they all died

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what is blue and smells like fish? blue fish ;)

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? Get on the ship.

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Why did the milkman wear a white belt? To keep his pants up.

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What do you call a man with a spade stuck in his head? An ambulance, he may be in need of urgent medical assistance

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What do you call a Mexican policeman? Officer.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why is mario red? His mother beat him as a child.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . His family was experiencing financial troubles, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, but they just didn't quite work out. After ending up in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he was shot, landing him in the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him, the same shooter made his way to his room, and murdered his wife and 3 children, and somehow managed to evade police. Months after this incident, Ralph, the same chicken who was in the hospital and witnessed his family's murder, was finally released. He had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to in the future. He took up alcohol abuse for some time, until realizing what truly had to be done. He began tracking down his family's killer, and with each day spent, he became closer and closer to discovering the dealer's whereabouts. One day, he finally figured out who it was. As he arrived at the killers' home, he took one last deep breath, then stormed in. After fighting through many of the dealers' body-guards, Ralph finally reached the notorious drug dealing murder, Foghorn Leghorn. As a bloody battle ensued, it was clear who the winner would be.. As Ralph staggered out of the destroyed home, bloodied, yet victorious, he realized something. All the tracking, all the killing, all the bloodshed he had created, was all in vain. He realized that taking Foghorn's life didn't, and wouldn't, bring his family back. Finding himself dumbfounded, he began to trot, head down, through the field where the bad drug deal happened, almost a year ago now. He took one last deep breath, looked at the stars, and took his first step on the road. This was it he decided, he was finally going to reunite with his family again once more. As the headlights raced towards him, he heard his family in unison whisper to him "You're finally home Ralph, you're finally home."

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Why did the retarded man fail his math test? He didn't study.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your window is open I'm watching you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops