Why did the cancerous elephant cross the road?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the bartender say to the upset horse? GET OUT OF MY BAR!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.. wait wut are u a bitch Violet are not freakin blue its Purple

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Yo mamma is so pretty, she is frequently complimented on her good looks.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken a month off from working in their law firm. The mexican man, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. Alex, however never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the little boy want to be when he grew up? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what do you do when you see a injured black man screaming in pain rolling on the ground assist him or call 911 depending how severe the injury is

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: How do you make a cat bark? A: Douse it in gasoline and throw it in a fire.........WOOF!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I'm gay. No homo.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

There are two muffins sitting in an oven, one muffin says to the other; boy it's hot in here. the other other muffin doesn't reply because it's a muffin, muffins don't talk. Now consider that the first muffin was a squirrel, A TALKING SQUIRREL!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Your momma's of a reasonable figure and weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Lol you are really adorable, is more like maybe we will ask you some time, but hey, if you are asking, I mean you are beautiful, insecure, easy to break... I am totally joking by the way, you are completely down to earth, you are sweet, you know what you want, etc etc, hey, and to know what you want in life you got to be confident. Wait a second... I "act" like a savage? Lawl, "streams of OceANUS catchphrase"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A horse walks into a bar... it was accompanied by a blind man for it was a seeing eye pony and the bartender who was not tolerant to blind people turned away the man causing him to recieve dirty glances from the kindly patrons of the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

why did the boy die? because he got shot

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock-knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. I'm calling the police.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Knock knock. Who's there? Jane from next door. Hi Jane how can I help you? Just wondering if my sister could use the spare spot on your drive tomorrow afternoon around 3pm? She is coming round for tea. I'm very sorry but my wife is due back around that time. Not a problem, thanks anyway. Have a great day. Bye Jane, see you soon, sorry again.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Seeing your mom dance

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did John stay home from school? He died.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is brown and has three legs? A horse. It lost a leg in a glue factory.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are brown, Violets are brown, it seem's that someone has been bathroom on my lawn. "Martha, I'm not cleaning this up"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the boy throw butter out the window? To test the principles of gravity.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A bench doesn't breathe, apparently Mexicans do.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

That moment when you try and finger your girlfriend and there no hole......and you start questioning your sexuality

thumb_up thumb_down -8

text your mom saying you need help, then turn on vibrate and shove the phone up your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops