There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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A gorilla walks into a bar and order a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

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ecks! why zee?

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What has hands but cannot feel? A sociopath; due to his or her mental health condition they are incapable of feeling true emotion.

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There are 263 birds on a fence, a farmer shot 1 how many are left? 0 the rest flew away.

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What did the apple say to the banana. Nothing fruits cant talk.

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Chrissy is funny.

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There were three soap salesmen in a bar. They were comparing how good they were at selling their wares. "I'm so good that I sell 60% of my soap bars each day," says the first salesman, bragging. The second one wasn't to be outdone. "I'm so good that I sell 80% of my soap bars," he declared. The last salesmen, who, up to the moment had been relatively quiet, suddenly said in a calm and collected manner, "Oh that's nothing. I'm so good that I sell all of my soap bars each day."

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yo mama so old that back in her school she didnt have history class

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Who looks like a bird and can fly to hogwarts? Dean McKee. his scar is f u c k i n g rotten

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Roses are black Violets are black I'm blind

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John and Henk are walking down the street. John kills a man, the cops are coming and John runs away. Why didn't Henk ran away? Henk was a rock

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There was 3 friends named Crap, Manners, and Shut up. They all had mental mothers.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police The police who? Sir, your wife is dead.

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How often does the lesbian vampire group meet up? Never. Lesbians don't exist.

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What's the difference between a jew and a jew? They both died in the gas chamber.

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Jews

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What did the elephant say to the goldfish? Nothing. Animals are unable to speak and fish aren't able to live on land

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What did Jesus say when he walked on water? I'm drowning

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Where is Sally hiding? She was kidnapped and has probably been murdered, I lied about her hiding.

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What's black and white, and red all over? Old movies that have ketchup on them.

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Q: What did one candle say to the other? A: Nothing, the mere thought of candles being able to possess the ability of speech is preposterous beyond any of the highest capabilities known to man.

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knock, knock, TRICK OR TREAT

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why did the chicken cross the road? well he usually takes the bus to his job but he missed it so he had to walk. Unrelated to this, he works at KFC

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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