What's the difference between a 1980 mustang and a pile of dead babies? I don't have the mustang in my garage.

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What did Johnny get for Christmas? Drugs, Johnny was a convicted drug dealer, age 19.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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why did the woman commit suicide? because 2+2=4

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in 2001 a man was working happily in his office cubicle and got an email from his boss saying that he had great news for him. filled with excitment he knew he was getting A big promotion and could finally afford that new toy his kid has always wanted. Feeling great the man walks up to the office window to enjoy the view he notices a very large commercial airliner flying straight towards his office.

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guess what no i know what your thinking, its NOT chickenbutt. its that tomorrow i have a math test. that sucks.

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What happens when you cross a vampire and a werewolf? A cross between a vampire and a werewolf.

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Why did the burglar get arrested? For beating an egg

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Why did the bunny eat his food

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Father: Son stop masterbating u might go blind Son: But Dad I'm over here

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wanna here an anti joke scroll down

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Two fish walked into a bar. They died. Because fish can't breathe out of water.

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Miami Heat.

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Why did the ship crash into Italy? Because a woman took over driving it!

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Wait what? I did not type that!

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Whats the similarity between a bike and a black person? They are both stolen

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What's big and white?

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What do you call a boy with no arms or legs? Chris

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how do you confuse a brunette? paint yourself red and throw a fridge at her

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What do you call a white man circled by 11 black men? D12

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What's the difference between a baby and a pineapple? Pineapples were not shot by nazis during the holocaust.

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A duck walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand hey! Got any guns

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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rihno? Rihno-elephant

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Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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