What happened to the baby bird? It fell out the nest

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Your momma's so fat, she's at risk of a number of cardio-vascular problems, including high blood pressure, leading to heart disease, stroke, type II diabetes, and a premature death. She also has an elevated risk of contracting cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What does a Somalian want for Christmas? Nothing hes Sunni Muslim and does not celebrate Christmas

thumb_up thumb_down

At the time my grandfather came round to visit, what was happening in Australia? A giant spider was giving birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A wife says to her husband "Everybody's coming over tonight, I want you to dress nice." *logically this cannot happen because there is no way that this couples residence can fit all 6 or so billion people in the world, nor would they want to.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the man do after a bad day at work? He went home and beat his wife

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A blind man walks into a bar....and a chair....and a table....and a wall....and a person... etc.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

how do you french braid? ask a french dude to braid your hair DUHH

thumb_up thumb_down +1

This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

thumb_up thumb_down -9

"hey you know that graveyard down the street." "yeah." "people are dying to get in there."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why did the black guy get testicular cancer? because he put his balls in the microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the best part of twenty one year old's? Their bodies have matured enough that the U.S. government deems it safe for them to consume alcoholic beverages with proper I.D.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

GOODBYE

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A man is on his way home from a business trip and walks into his house. He is quite as to not wake up his wife or kids. He gets to the bedroom to find his wife in bed with the neighbor. He is shocked at what he came home to and decides to file for divorce. She was a stay at home mom and loses everything because of the divorce. The man woke up from his horrible nightmare and kissed his wife on the cheek. She has always been faithful. He decides to tell her about the dream and, for insurance, emphasizes the part where she loses everything in the divorce. They happily live out the rest of their lives together.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red Violets are blue I have five fingers The third one's for you

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q:How many Elephants can you fit in a Audi quatro? A:It just sits on a leaf and waits for the autumn... Moral: Just sits on a three and waits for it to turn into four.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

this is gay

thumb_up thumb_down -14

CAVE JOHNSON.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What does a ghost get when he watches porn? A boner

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Stephen Hawking

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why does my ass hurt? you have rectal cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the little boy cry? He fell down the stairs

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Lebron Traveled

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A man once went duck pin bowling, 5 years later he died of leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops