A terrorist walks into a bar and shoots the bartender.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A dyslexic agnostic insomniac stays up at night wondering if there's a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down

Your mother is so fat, she really could stand to lose a few pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Wanna know what a hate about instructions? I always get my dick stuck in a ceiling fan.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

One day in school two kids had a conversation. Susan: What do you want to do when your older? Oliver: I want to go to the moon. Susan: Oh. I went there last week. Oliver: Can you smell something. Susan: Haven't you ever been to Pennsylvania.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man is at the doctor's office and the doctor says to the man: "I'm sorry sir, you have AIDS and Alzheimer's disease." The man says: "Well, at least I don't have AIDS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what did the crocodile say to the fish? OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!! and then the fish swam away because of the the weird noise the crock was making...

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I can be considerate if like someone is burning to death and I was the one considerate enough to lit them on fire... Wait no, I am considerate towards my friends (which are all ladies, all men besides me are obstacles and nothing else) AAAAND my logic processor broke down. Anyway, please do me the honors, take the last message.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

you know what is so funny hillary clinton!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you get when you cross a parrot and a beach ball? A beach ball with a parrot design on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why is ya dad ya dad? ........ because of ya cousin

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Your mom is so fat she could consider going on biggest loser, where she might be able to make a lot of money.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the woman with a terminal illness get for Christmas? A diagnosis.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Q. What do you call a black pilot? A. A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How dead people are in a graveyard? All of them

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you make a Chef cry? You kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

My Roomate-(crying in the fetal position for the love of his life has been murderer) Me- (laughing) I have a problem

thumb_up thumb_down -72

your momma is so stupid shes fricken retarded

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Person 1: Knock Knock Person 2: Who's there? Person 1: Knock Knock Person 2: Who's there? Person 1: Knock Knock Person 2: Who's there? Person 1: A deaf guy

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red Violets are blue i have a gun get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops