A person was born on may 5th 1955 and one day noticed that they had $555.55 in their bank account. The person went to a race and betted all their money on the 5th runner in the 5th race. What happened? The runner came in 5th place.

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Why'd Sally fall of the swing She had no arms Knock knock Who's there Not sally

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whats worse than a worm in a rotten apple? 2 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 2 worms in a rotten apple? 3 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 3 worms in a rotten apple? the haulocaust. whats worse than the haulocaust? 4 worms in a rotten apple. wait wait...that was rascist,nevermind this joke.

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What is the difference between a woman and a whale? One has big whiskers and is fat and filthy, the other one lives in the sea and is a mammal

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Why was the blond looking at the orange juice box? Because she was reading the nutritional content of orange juice.

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ok so ive been pondering for a while now for a joke to submit and here is what ive got, tell me what you think: quif stain

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Roses are red, Violets are red, I stabbed someone in my garden, There's blood everywhere

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What do you call someone who can't move their arms or their legs A quadriplegic

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A woman walks into a bar. She is pregnant and gives her baby fetal alcohol syndrome.

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Why doesn't Lucinda have a penis? Because she's Mexican.

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Help I'm being raped!

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What is makes you more happy to see than a dead baby? A dead baby dressed up as a clown.

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What did the Shark attack victim say just before she died from her injuries? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What's black and white and red all over? And old fashioned television painted red.

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penis

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is legally blind

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Why did sally fall of the swing? She didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Q: How did the man walk across the road? A: With his own 2 feet!

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How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit him with an ax.

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No really, try this: You: Say "knock, knock" Your friend: OK, knock knock You: Who's there? Your friend: ...... [this awkward pause makes evident the fact that it has now dawned on your friend that he has to generate content for a joke that he wasn't telling in the first place]

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What did the ghost say to the black man? nothing. He just shot him.

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Kid- "Where do babies come from?" Mom- *Commits Suicide*

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What happens when you stick your finger in a pencil sharpener? Blood everywhere.

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Why did the boy drop his lolypop Because it tasted bad

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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