A person was born on may 5th 1955 and one day noticed that they had $555.55 in their bank account. The person went to a race and betted all their money on the 5th runner in the 5th race. What happened? The runner came in 5th place.

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A woman walks into a bar. She is pregnant and gives her baby fetal alcohol syndrome.

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Roses are OK, Violets do the trick, C'mon and let me whip out my Dick.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I like to rape cats.

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1+2 = 6

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An elephant stomped on a mouse. What did the mouse say? Ouch.

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What do you call a blonde with a broken arm? A cripple.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Haulocaust Whats worse that the Holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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Your mother is so fat that it became a problem affecting everyone close in her life. Her new year's resolution was to lose weight, and surprisingly, has become quite healthy since then.

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What did one alligator say to the other alligator? Ear

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what did the man with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? cancer.

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What do you call a guitar with only one string? A guitar.

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Andy Warhol said we will all be famous for fifteen minutes. My soccer coach molested me and the trial was televised, they obscured my face and voice because I was twelve at the time.

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what happened to the man that no one cares about? No one cares

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What has two thumbs and cancer? This guy.

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What is a bear's favorite televison show? It doesnt have one because it is a bear which makes watching television an illogical fallacy.

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You know what happened when I kissed a girl? I enjoyed it so immensely that I received an erection.

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What do you call a deer with no eye? No eye deer ( get it, it's like the red, necked southern speaking states )

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How are eagles and jellyfish the same? They both fly but jellyfish don't.

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4/20.

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Why was jimmy crying? He had a frog stapled to his face

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What's worse than 100 babies tied to a tree. 1 baby tied to 100 trees

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knock,knock who's there? the postman didn't answer as he is deaf

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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