- Anti Joke

A man gets shot in the balls by a huge swarm of bees HE IS VERY NICE AND FILLED WITH RICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What did the little boy with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A baseball, bat, and a glove.

What is green, dangorous, slow, defencive, and scared? A turtle with a uzi.

Why did sally break her arm? A piano fell on her

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

OMG FUCKING NERDS WITH NO LIFE CAN READ ABOUT THE POWER OF YOUR Vaginal puss puss color, no but seriously, I kinda prefer unshaven, I mean if I change my opinion I just do it myself or command that you shave yourself while I put it on my cellphone while I jack off to you, making a creampie, yeah because.

Your mom is so stupid, she stole free samples.

why is coltin alexander such a duche? because no one loves him

What do you call a joke that isn't funny? A joke that isn't funny.

Knock Knock whose there your parents your parents who your parents just got malled by a hobo with an axe.

What do you call a hispanic man hopping a large fence? A hispanic man hopping a large fence.

what is the hardest part of eating a vegetable? the wheelchair

The Pope

Me:I talk to myself to much. Me:Same

How can you confirm that Saturday comes after friday, and that Sunday comes after Saturday? consult Rebecca Black.

What did the elephant say to the goldfish? Nothing. Animals are unable to speak and fish aren't able to live on land

What is 9+10? 19

Me: Hey frank, wanna die? Frank: No, why? Me: (Kills Frank) Frank: Dude why did you kill Frank?

Q: Why did Suzie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock-knock Who's there? Not Suzie.

Need For Speed 30025 DRIVE OVER 60000 EXTREME CARS OVER 60 BILLION REAL LIFE GRAPHICS TRACKS! WHILE LISTENING TO BULLSHIT SONGS THAT MAKE YOU CRY! NO PAUSE BUTTON! EVERY CAR MUST BE UNLOCKED BY PLAYING THE SAME TRACK (Yeah music track too) OVER AND OVER AGAIN! OVER 6000000 ONLINE GAMERS AT THE SAME TIME WORLDWIDE, EACH TRACK HAS 5000000 THOUSAND LAPS SO THE FUN NEVER ENDS! UNLOCK ALL STUFF DLC: 6000 Bucks. Moral: So I have not been here since I called myself the sociopath or something, who the fuck are these Nero`s and Neronism and all that fuck? :( They almost improved my reputation! THATS HORRIBLE!

What did the cat say when it stepped in poo? Meow.

There's a tray of muffins in the oven. One muffin says, "man it's hot in here!" Another muffin says, "holy shit! A talking muffin!"

A Jew walks into a gas chamber...

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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