What's brown and sticky? a stick.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? A. Spot

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What do a software designer, a civil engineer, an airline pilot, and a long-distance swimmer's support team have in common? All of them use angles and trigonometric ratios to help solve problems.

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Q: What did Mr. Spock say when Captain Kirk was raping him? A: "Ouch! Ouch! Captain, this is so illogical!"

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What did the muffin say to the oven? Obviously nothing since neither one can talk.

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What did the man with no head get for Christmas? Nothing he was dead

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Not sure, its just a really rare combination, people tell me stuff like "oh they are really bright brown" like hell they are, I mean sorry but the hell they are. I prefer it the way you say it, they are red, really really red, and you do not say it as if I had something to be ashamed off.

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How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing set? Because she had no arms or legs. Knock knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

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what do you call a Palestinian with a large blade at the throat of an Israeli? a barber

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Where did all the time go? In a recent study, 100% of all time, all systems go.

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what is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? -one is the chosen people of Isreal and one is a food that was founded in Italy

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They scolded her and sent her to her room.

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How do you get your dog to stop peeing on the floor? SHOOT IT!!!

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Well none today because today is Saturday... maybe tomorrow

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going down a mountain? A: As good as dead.

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What's the difference between Bobby and a plane? Bobby can be sexually molested.

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A man walks into a bar, and promptly leaves because he left his kid in the car.

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What is one of the symtoms of clinical depression? Sadness.

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96

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Man: Drink this. Man 2: Ok. (Drinks it) Man; You drank a powerful substance that is 20000 times stronger than hydrochloric acid! Man2: Oh FUCK! Kelvin Yang.

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What's black and white and red all over it? Not a newspaper because red is not all over it. Answers to this question may vary.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One of them you crack open with a sledgehammer and feast upon, and the other is a dead baby.

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I love telling anti jokes rather than jokes because I was born with a rare case of ebola and suffer from alcoholicationism

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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