What happened to the Jewish man while he was in the shower? He accidentally fell asleep and was late to his job.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Where did little susie go during the explosion? Everywhere :) What color were her eyes? Blue. One blew this way and one blew the other way. :p Knock, knock Who's there? Not susie :)

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What's got four legs but can't move by itself? A chair.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what do you call cheese that isn't yours? cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A white guy, a mexican, and a black guy are in a race. Who always wins? Whichever one crosses the finish line first

thumb_up thumb_down +9

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Jim fell of his bike, wanna know how. Someone threw a car at him. Knock knock, who's there, not Jim

thumb_up thumb_down +8

God saw himself. Finally, proof.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What can be said about a high school drop out who is 30, lives with his mom, and plays WoW all day? He is probably a very high level mage

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What the difference between water and water? Nothing, they're both water.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A black man and his mexican friend walk into a bar. The black man orders a drink and the mexican gets soda. He is the designated driver

thumb_up thumb_down +3

♪ It's raining. It's pouring. ♪ The old man caught pneumonia and died....

thumb_up thumb_down

what do you do when you forget to do your math homework? kill your teacher

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the Fish say to the other Fish? Nothing, fish cant talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How do you confuse a gay person? How? 7

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A sheep goes up to to a horse and asks "Does you speak sheep?".The horse replies ''Neigh''.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Q: Why don't chicken breasts have nipples? A: because if you freeze them, they will pop the package.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Nah

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I put the STD in stud now all i need is U

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what is behind your butt? DEEZ NUTS

thumb_up thumb_down +3

if u read this u r bent A. Now your bent

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Q: yugdyijgdripgdghd A: sorry I'm retarted. I don't know wtf I'm doin

thumb_up thumb_down -14

So - this baby seal walked into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops