Asexuals aren't known for f***ing around.

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What is big and white, not the moon CC

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A man enters a bar, and says: "It is impossible to drown in an elevator" This is incorrect.

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Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

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whats pink, brown, and smells like a banana. monkey vomit?

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Hey man how was the trip to Hiroshima? Great it blew my mind!! And how was Nagasaki ? It was the bomb!!

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Why is this an anti-joke? Are you laughing? Exactly.

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow that's been chopped in half? Dead

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What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Leave the plunger in her toilet with the handle greased.

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Q: What's big and white and can't climb trees? A: a fridge

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Why can't the T-Rex clap his hands? Because he's dead.

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Yo mama's house is so small that she had to get a better job in order to buy a bigger one.

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Yo' momma is like a hardware store, 25 cents for a screw!

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around, does anyone really care?

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Double rainbow? What does it mean? Well, a "double rainbow" is a phenomenon of optics that displays a spectrum of light due to the sun shining on droplets of moisture in the atmosphere. Does that explain it?

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what do you call a mentally and physically obese man? nothing until you know or obtain his name

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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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Roses are red, foxes are clever, I like your butt, let me touch it forever!

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A: u wanna die? B: does anyone really wanna die, i mean logistically, un-less u are suicidal, why would you wanna die? A: I do wanna die. B: ur a freak and you should consider getting help person A never got help, on his way to getting help at a certified physician he got hit by a bus, his body can be found at the intersection of church ave. and flatbush. And i would say rest in piece but cars drive over him daily, and thats not to peaceful

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Your Mother is so kind that when I see her I say hello and ask her how she has been

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What do you call a fat guy running on the street? Nothing because you should respect his effort trying to improve his health.

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How do you get a slave to stop screaming from the rope he is hanging on? You stop messing around and you hang him already!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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