A man walks into a bar. He has a beer and then goes home.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

why are the Harold and Kumar movies really funny? the man who wrote obvieusly has a good sense of humor.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What happened to the man who went to a strip bar? What happens to all of us. He died.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the boy drop the ice cream? So that it would melt and he could dip his dick into it and his mom could lick it off.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was tired of hearing that joke

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why didn't Johnny ride his bike to school? Both of his legs were amputated. He can't ride a bike ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

You need to trim these evergreens. Either they are getting low our my van is GROWING!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

So i can type anything in this box and it shows up on the website?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Where did the little girl go when the bomb went off? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was the guy sad? His son killed himself after being constantly bullied for 6 years.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

hi corey

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the parents say to their kid? You're adopted and we don't love you.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven kind of looked like an alligator.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A coach and a priest walk into a boys and girls club and kick out all the girls.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the little girl selling lemon aid die? Someone drove by and threw a fridge at her

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Whats louder than a dinosaur? 2 Dinosaurs

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did little johnny scream at the xbox after he lost a game? god what the hell! Muskcrat143 i told u to cover my back when i had my predator missile! now my covers blown and i lost my killstreak! god u suck so much and Hippo099 why didn't u kill them before they got a killstreak like wtf!!! i told u to use ur semtex cause i had a claymore set down jeez u guys suck i'm leaving.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Two nuns are in a bathtub, one nun turns to the other and says "where's the soap". The other nun replies "it does, doesn't it".

thumb_up thumb_down +2

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did a monkey fall out of a tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of a tree? Gravity. Why did the third monkey fall out of a tree? He was stapled to the second monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what do you call some one with no arms and no legs? names.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did grandma get little Benjamin for Christmas? Nothing, she died last year

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops