What did the horse get for Christmas? Starvation and neglect because its owner has been dead for three months of old age and he was a raging, angry, achoholic so no one cared if hey was dead and/or bothered to see if he was alive

thumb_up thumb_down +4

One time I walked into a fat kid..

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Everything I did, Was just a mistake like you.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you wake up Lady GaGa you set her alarm clock to a reasonable time

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I hate when Harry Potter showers in my Potatoes....

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's worse than having AIDS. Being Black.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Jim has five apples. He gives two apples to Joe. What is left? Fruit

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the Mexican cross the road? The light was green.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Uh no, yogurt as in the bacteria that they add to milk in order to make the finished product yogurt. You see, while the effect is seen in twins (for example if one twin gets raped, the other gets a fucking sore ass) Sorry, I am still under trance here myself, you get out of it, I am gonna have some fun, go splash some water on your face. I mean people go like "woah that is impossible it only happens in rare cases and so on right?" Fun stuff: Yogurt, you can seal yogurt in a steel container miles away after separating its culture (basically having a colony living together and then moving them away from each other as in 30000 kilometers and sealing them in soundproof safe`s and whatnot. Feed one half of the yogurt, and the other one far far away begins munching into thin air, now keep the food close to the yogurt, and the bacteria will begin "begging for it" (as in when baby chicks notice the parent has arrived with food), and so will the culture of yogurt sealed in a safe 30000 miles away. Why? Living in similar states, brings a natural connection, we are attracted to similarities, and as far as the human knowledge of the LAW of attraction goes, distance is not a factor, look it up, or just believe me.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Knock knock.* Who is it? The police. We have news that your daughter was molested and will never been seen again for the man who stole her has takin' her out of our jurisdiction.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many people can you fit in an oven? Six million, according to Hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why is that man such a perv? I don't know. Ever since I let him see my boobs, he has had this undying obsession with sex. So, I guess that, as society would classify him, he is a sex addict. He will do anything for it, even if he needs a man to get it. I feel terrible about starting his obsession, and plan to take him to therapy next week for the sake of his health.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Are you 9/11 because i would like you to destroy my tower.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Where did the Jew put his money? In a low rist, interest bearing mutual fund.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's worse then having gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe? Having a stick poked in your eye. What's worse then having a stick poked in your eye? Having a nail go through your foot. What's worse then having a nail go through your foot? Having a stick poked in your eye and a nail going through your foot.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Why was the wife disappointed in her husband? He hasn't been very talkative since the suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs being pulled behind a boat? A: Skip.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you fit four gays on a barstool? You turn it upside down

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Teacher: Why didn't you do your homework? Student: My friends told me not to. Teacher: So if your friends tell you to go jump off a bridge, would you do it? Student: Well, it all depends on if I land on a fat kid. Like Chubb. Chubb: Yeah, I know, my eating habit, i-i-its a big problem. -Payden R.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didnt it hit a poll and died of brain damage the next day

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: What does a gay horse eat? A: Cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops