if u r not my friend, like this joke

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Lisa’ house needed to be painted and her brother offered to do it for her. Lisa thought it was a nice gesture and told him that she wanted the house in antique white. However; after painting the house, Lisa noticed that her brother had used a color with a dark yellow tone. ”Are you sure this is Antique white?” she asked him. ”Offcourse!” he said. Afraid of hurting his feelings, Lisa didn’t dare to say anything. Ten years later, the house needed to be painted again. This time Lisa wanted to hire a professional painter, but her brother insisted on doing for her. He brought the paint, which Lisa recognized as the same yellow paint, with a color that Lisa had really begun to hate. ”Brother, are you sure this is antique white?” she asked, forcing a seriousness in her voice. ”Offcourse!” he answered, and Lisa was still too embarressed to object. Her brother didn’t have an easy life and she didn’t want to break his confidence. So the house was painted, same as before. Lisa did however notice a strange light in her brothers eyes. Another ten years passed, and the house needed to be painted a third time. This time however Lisa had had enough. Though it was her brother, she had become increasingly ashamed of her house had even stopped having guests over. With a deep breath she picked up the phone and called up her brother, ready to confront him. A woman answered; it was his wife. She could hardly speak because of her sobbing. Unfortunately Lisa’s brother had been killed in a car accident earlier that day.

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Set up Punch line.

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What's the worse part about a Jewish man dying in a house fire? It was his birthday

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Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Bailiffs, now get out.

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Q: Why did the man have sex with Amanda Seyfried? A: Are you kidding me?

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Why did the gir fall off of the swing? She had no arms.

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What's worse than an hours detention? Gettind raped by a horse anally.

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What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr.dre

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What's grosser than gross? Grosser. What's grosser than that? Grossest.

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How do you get an annoying baby to shut up? Hit it with a bat

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what the difference between a dog and a blue whale? im going to burn your house down

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Why is One direction the best thing in the world? Becuz when 5 hot guys met each other they... Sorry I got lost in Zayn's eyes again! Now what were we talking about??????

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What do you call a terrorist on 9/11? A terrorist.

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Why did the... Timmy, your mother and I are both tired.

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Well, I have to go eat again "Axel Knight". See you around soon enough, just give me a call if you want me around... Hopefully I find a fucking telescope so I can read the code on the chip thingie... Damn I am hungry. See you around sugartits.

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a priest and a jewish guy walk into a bar. they both drink as expected and go home to their families

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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What's the difference of a team of black people and a pile of shit? None. Kelvin Yang.

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What kind of shots does John take at night? Insulin, because he's a diabetic.

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Yo mama so fat!... we are very concerned for her health.

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- Knock knock. - Who's there? - Jehovah - Jehovah who? - Jehovah's Witness - Go f*** yourself.

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Yesterday i ate an owl with all the feathers on it

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What's did the lizard cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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