Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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Scenario: Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub The first one says, "Hey, can you pass the radio please" And the second one replies, "Sorry, my cousins are made of soap."

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A girl and her family were walking by a cliff. Suddenly - due to a a part of the cliff falling away - her family fell over the edge and died. The girl ran to the bottom of the cliff and saw her family's body's strewn across the rocks, blood everywhere. She didn't have a phone on her and so could not call the police. She called over a man she saw in the distance. He asked "What's happened?". Just managing to stammer the words through her tears she said "My entire family fell off a cliff and died". The man unzipped his trousers and said "This really isn't your day is it love?"

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How do you keep an extraordinary magician from performing his show? Replace his shampoo with battery acid

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what did one mexican say to the other Hi.

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A negro named Kanye walks into a Tavern... He's stoned to death.

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Where do farmers retire their used farm equipment? The tree in their backyard.

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What did one cat say to the other cat? Nothing.

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Excuse me waiter! What the hell is this fly doing on my soup? I believe it's swimming on it, sir.

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What do you call the twin towers? An airport

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What's green, [ THIS BIG ] and flies around the room... A remote controlled gherkin!

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A man was running from drug dealers When they had him cornered he ran towards the sun and died

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People spending hours typing nothing but cus words? Who does that?

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Knock, Knock Who's there ? So So who? No, So Lee

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Why did the manager fire his black employee? Because he was stealing office supplies. Why was he stealing office supplies? Because he needed the money for his family. Why did he need that money? Because he wasn't being paid his full wage. Why wasn't he being paid full wage? Because his employer was a racist. Upon this analysis, the state of California ruled the case of Jones vs. Smith in favour of Mr. Jones, and ordered Mr. Smith to give Mr. Jones a cash settlement of $500,000. However, Mr. Jones was still convicted with a single charge of petty theft and was sentenced to six months in prison. His family was still awarded the settlement of $500,000. Mr. Jones made parole three months early for being an "idol inmate."

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What kind of people have fat lips? People who have gotten punched in the lip or have suffered a serious lip injury that has caused their lips to swell up.

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nathan your cats dead now...well hopefully

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How much stuff would a stuff muff huff if a stuff muff could huff stuff? Whole dang lotsa

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What do you call a 2 storied house ? A dolphin! :D

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Nickelback

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A man walks into a bar, muttering to himself. People stare at him because his severe Schizophrenia makes him stand out in social situations.

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What did the blind guy say when he walked past a fish store? Something smells fishy

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Whats worse than sour milk? 911. Whats worse than 911? drinking sout milk!

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Why didnt sally throw out her lunch? Her mom had a miscarriage, she was never born.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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