This is not a joke

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My mom told me and my brother to lean up on a commercial...we were watching netflix

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It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

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Why did Jimmy eat the apple? Because he was obese and needed to eat healthy because his doctor suggested it.

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I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet... ...then I made fun of him and laughed.

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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A German challenged an Englishman to a duel But their neigbours found out and alerted the police

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the best thing about an anti-joke is when the punch line doesn't hit you, you feel no pain

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Q:What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Where's my tractor?

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quantum physics?

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How many Cancer patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. Cancer does not affect one's ability to install light bulbs.

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What's the difference between a black man and a gorilla? One is a black man and the other is a gorilla.

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'Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains' Doctor prescribes antipsychotics.

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An apple a day keeps a check next to the "I ate an apple today" box on my "what I did today" daily checklist.

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April showers bring... tornadoes that kill families

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Whats the difference of a pile of dead babys and a lambrogini? One of them is not inside of my garage.

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why did the girl smear penut butter on the road. To go with the trafic jam

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i am and me is i

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A new born baby is left alone in his crib after a long day of playing, He gets taken out of his crib for his first meal with his grandparents, he is excited, His grandparents come in and after the usual praising of the child they sit down for dinner, They are having chicken, His mother puts the spoon to his mouth, He chews it and swallows it, It gets stuck in his throat and he suffocates and dies.

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What did Tom see after taking a much need long nap? The ceiling.

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12

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So a duck walks into a drugstore and asks the clerk for lip balm. The clerk asks, "How will you be paying for that?" to which the duck replies, "Cash."

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A man says to a boy. I bet you I can jump over that mountain. The boy wins the bet because it is a physical impossibility to jump over a mountain.

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How do you make a doctor cry? Kill his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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