How many watermelons did the black man have? Too many to count, he was a farmer and his primary crop was watermelons.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's the difference between a Elephant? It can neither bike...

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I will create more jobs for americans

thumb_up thumb_down -20

We spent trillions of tax payer's money on the death of 1 man... wait that's not funny...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

If you walked into a grocery store right in the middle of Cuba what won't you see? The missing Malaysian MH370 Boeing.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Man goes into a bar and orders 7 shots, the bartender says "Long day, huh?", the Man says yeh then goes home and kills himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What happened when the Hispanic man dropped his Wollet? He picked it up

thumb_up thumb_down -1

SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Tilt your screen back

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you stop a group of black guys from fighting? go over to them and ask them politely to stop.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Mark Twain, Jesus, and Bill Gates are sitting at a bar. Someone messed with the space time continuum again.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Ahmed walks into Abbar. He apologized and they both continued about their jobs as sales assistants at Pottery Barn.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

You might be a redneck if you're from a rural area and behave as such.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the farmer name his pig "ink"? He had a terrible case of dementia.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why did the gay person cry? he was said that he couldn't marry his boyfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit stumbles into a genie while coming to a clearing. The Genie says, "I will give you both three wishes." The bear thinks quickly and says, "I wish every bear in the forest was female." The Genie then grants the wish. "And...now I wish that each bear in the country was female!" The Genie grants the wish. "AND I WISH THAT EVERY BEAR IN THE WORLD WAS FEMALE!!!" the bear exclaims, now getting overly excited by his wishes. The Genie grants the last wish and then turns to the rabbit. "Your turn." The rabbit wishes for a pair of running shoes and the well being of his family and friends. For his last wish he points at the bear and says, "I wish he was gay."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Two Jewish men are walking when they see a penny on the ground. They continue walking because pennies are not worth picking up in today's economy

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between watermelon and baby? I don't eat watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

The speakers on my computer were broken, so I was going to replace them with John Boehner. Because he is the SPEAKER of the house.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

60+8.99999999=68.99999999 soo close

thumb_up thumb_down -25

If life hands you lemons you're probably a hippy because you know someone named 'life'

thumb_up thumb_down

Hey I just met you you are a sneaker smell my gym socks and then pick oot throughyour nose

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why do they censor everything on here? Because **** **** ******* *** ***** *****.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

This is hypothetical remember, just examples with no roots in real life events. The problem with your former employee, was that he would easily have played the victim, certain organizations would have paid him a fortune for the intel he had collected, and surely also agreed to let him walk away, and get you and your small (relatively) crack team death penalty on the spot, just like the underground, you would have been branded terrorists simply because certain people would have earned billions by doing so. The wizard would most likely have gone free, as long as he shared every tiny bit of info, then the cops, the feds, would have blamed it all on you for being his supervisor, you would not have survived the ordeal, trust me.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops