- Anti Joke

What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tooter!

I see, said the deaf man to the blind guy.

What's red and goes pop? A clip art of the word "Pop"

Why do seagulls fly over seas? Because if they flew over bays they'd be called bagels.

Why did the pony say neigh? That`s all he can say

Why are we posting shit jokes on here? Because we can't drink!

roses are red carnations are white dont go to bed or ill f**k your friend dwite

How do you stop a baby from falling into a manhole? You catch it, and then call the appropriate services and inform them of the dangerous open manhole.

How many blondes does it take to skrew in a lightbulb? Usually just one.

Charlotte Bobcats

What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons? Nothing, his wife had an abortion.

awkward moment when someone pretends to be Mr. Bear and stuffs up his own joke

What has got 56 eyes, 1 leg and 3 arms ? I don't know but that's right behind you.

There were once two horses names Bill and Ed who lived on a farm. Every day Bill and Ed would race from the old barn past the broken tractor to the tall oak tree. Bill was very fast, but Ed always beat Bill. After many months, Bill was fed up. "I've had it with you!" he shouted to Ed. "I won't race with you anymore." Ed was very sad. He liked racing very much. The next day, Ed asked Bill, "Hey Bill, come race with me to the tall oak tree!" But Bill said, "No, you'll just beat me. I won't race with you." Ed thought for a moment, then said, "Fine, I'll let you start 5 meters in front of me." Bill pondered the proposition. Finally, he agreed. They started at the old barn, with Bill 5 meters in front of Ed. They both started running at the same time. As they passed the broken truck, Bill was happy to see that he was beating Ed. But at the last second, Ed sprinted forwards and beat Bill. "Ed!" shouted Bill, exasperated. "I can't believe you beat me! I'm never racing you again." But the next day, Ed asked Bill to race again. "This time, you can start 15 meters in front of me." Bill pondered the proposition, then finally agreed. 15 meters was a long way to catch up. They began to race. Bill was winning, but at the last second, Ed caught up and beat him. "Ed! I can't believe you beat me! I will never race you again," said Bill. But the next day, Ed asked Bill to race him again. "No way!" said Bill. "This time, I'll let you start at the broken truck," offered Ed. Bill thought for a moment. The truck was very close to the old oak tree, there was no way Ed could beat him. So he agreed. They began to race again. Bill was winning, but at the last second, Ed beat him again. "That's it!" shouted Bill. "I will never, ever race with you again!" But the next day Ed asked Bill again to race him. "This time, you can start 10 meters from the oak tree." Bill thought about it. There was no way Ed could beat him if he started 10 meters from the finish line. But his thoughts were interrupted by the dog running over. He said, "Bill! Don't race him, he will surely beat you!" Bill was silent for a moment. He looked at the dog, then to Ed. Then back to the dog. Then back to Ed. "Ed," he said perplexedly, "I didn't know dogs could talk too!"

my goldfish never writes me back when i send him letters

A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says "I wont serve you." The black man says, "Why? Is it because of the color of my skin?" The bartender says, "No, its because your wearing a suit and on the front door it says no people in suits are allowed." So the black man took off his suit and was kindly served.

What is brown and sticky. Hot chocolate.

Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, FUCK, MY GARDEN IS ON FIRE!

Why did the baby's bedroom smell so bad? The mom farted.

What's worse than a dead baby inside a microwave? A microwave inside a dead baby.

Q: What's the point? A: .

Knock, knock. Who's there? FBI. The female body inspectors? No, the female bawdy inspectors.

Why was Mary's turkey dry on Thanksgiving dinner? Because she left it in the oven too long.

How did the Mexican get into the united States of America? He was an american citizen, just of mexican descent.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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