I've got ninety-nine problems, all of them very diverse and possibly involving women.

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What do you call a really bad actor? Nicholas Cage

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What did the pineapple say to the apple? Nothing, neither can speak.

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A man walks in to a bar, He sits down and enjoys a pint.

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SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

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Your so dumb, you didn't notice I should have used you're. Don't lie

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What is worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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what do grown up's do at night when everyone lese is asleep? Go to sleep as well

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How many carrots can you fit in a truck Depends who's driving

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What do you get when an Asian and a black person have a baby? Black and yellow. Black and yellow. Black and yellow. :)

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How do black people vote? They go to their polling place, register, then vote for their candidate on election day.

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I agree Nero, we agree there, but let me ask you, why did you have the deep desire to create such a society before? You managed to do so as a teen, you wanted to help others, you put them before yourself, you where far more loyal to them, than they ever where to you. What motivated you then to sacrifice so much, where is that strength today?

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Knock Knock Who's there It's me open the door

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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Q: How do you turn a purple panda into a red panda A: Feed it grey poop and because it tasted so bad it got so mad it turned red.

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Two corns were decided to get married. In wedding, bridegroom can't find bride, so he asked a popcorn next to him, "Do you know where is the bride?" The popcorn answered, "I just change my hair style."

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Pinus Testicles

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How much does a fat penguin weigh? 45 kilograms.

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I just read the long joke posted earlier. I have no life. :(

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What do you call a hamburger with nothing inside of it? A virgin.

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Religion

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What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

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What's wrong with your hand!!!!!???? nothing.

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Why did Alex die? He choked on a semi truck

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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